I am a fashion MAVEN

[cjsmith]

wordweaverlynn posted her style rules, which I thought were nifty and keen, and (since she asked her readers) I was inspired to create my own set of rules.

But it didn't really turn out to be a set of rules. It's more like a set of things -- a very, very small set of things -- that I can wear.

Here is why I look so dumpy all the time:

Shirt:

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.
These two rules taken together mean that my shirts are always knit and incredibly baggy.
Cat hair is optional, but usually present.

Pants:

Must be the only pants in the world that come close to fitting me: Eddie Bauer jeans, with the hips a size bigger than the waist. These come in two colors: blue and blue.

(If I could find them with the hips two sizes bigger than the waist, they would actually fit, and I would probably wear them even into the shower due to overwhelming bliss.)

Socks:

I have recently discovered that boys' socks fit me. These come in one color scheme: white with gray on the bottom. They can be seen in my shower.

Shoes:

These because I can stand up in them and even walk some. They are black, and they look dashing with those white and gray socks sticking out the front.

Comments

[evilegg.livejournal.com]

Where the hell do black chicks buy their pants?
You sound like you have the same build as a friend of mine (she's 1/2 cuban). She is like an hourglass cartoon she's so curvy.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

If you are wearing basic crew type socks - I found ones with white and PINK at Walgreens the other day. (I need to tell my socks from Alan's)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

if/when i ever learn to knit socks for real (not just start them and then hide them when i make a mistake) i will make you funky-toed socks to show off in your shoes. i'm all about funky socks.

i need to start thinking of cat hair as a fashion accessory. goddess knows it's an essential part of every outfit!

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.

*sadsigh*

How can we appreciate them, if you don't show them off?!?!

*grin, duck, run very fast!*

[sharya.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I have a larger chest as well, but baggy isn't always the answer. Buttons down the centre front also have a tendency to help support, depending on where they are in terms of height (and obviously the fabric).

My style gurus are the "What Not To Wear" crowd, and honestly, they've made a big difference in how I dress.

http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

[ladyqkat.livejournal.com]

Okay - I am curious about those shoes. I tend to walk on my heels and the outside edges of my feet. I know this contributes to the fact that my right foot/leg 'falls asleep' when I walk for more than two minutes unless I am literally hanging onto something (wall, shopping cart, car).

I also have not been able to stand on the balls of my feet or tip-toes since around 1994. Frustrating as hell and the doctors just ignored it when I complained. Standard response when I mentioned that was "Lose weight."

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

I must say, I've never before thought you look dumpy. I've always thought you looked just fine. Well, I've always thought you looked beautiful, but as for your clothes, I never would have suspected you felt dumpy in them.

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

aww - i thought you looked pretty damn cute :)