I am a fashion MAVEN

[cjsmith]

wordweaverlynn posted her style rules, which I thought were nifty and keen, and (since she asked her readers) I was inspired to create my own set of rules.

But it didn't really turn out to be a set of rules. It's more like a set of things -- a very, very small set of things -- that I can wear.

Here is why I look so dumpy all the time:

Shirt:

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.
These two rules taken together mean that my shirts are always knit and incredibly baggy.
Cat hair is optional, but usually present.

Pants:

Must be the only pants in the world that come close to fitting me: Eddie Bauer jeans, with the hips a size bigger than the waist. These come in two colors: blue and blue.

(If I could find them with the hips two sizes bigger than the waist, they would actually fit, and I would probably wear them even into the shower due to overwhelming bliss.)

Socks:

I have recently discovered that boys' socks fit me. These come in one color scheme: white with gray on the bottom. They can be seen in my shower.

Shoes:

These because I can stand up in them and even walk some. They are black, and they look dashing with those white and gray socks sticking out the front.

Comments

[dafydd.livejournal.com]

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.

*sadsigh*

How can we appreciate them, if you don't show them off?!?!

*grin, duck, run very fast!*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

How can we appreciate them, if you don't show them off?

That's the POINT! :-)

This is my attempt to disguise myself as a person.

[apparentparadox]

Coming at this from a completely uninterested perspective, it seems that you may be unhappy with the clothes that you feel "forced" to wear, but aren't you the only one forcing yourself to wear knit shirts? You do have the option of wearing tops that as a side-effect might make your breasts more obvious. You're taking the two statements: "guys are stupid" and "I have to wear stuff to keep guys from drooling" as both solid facts. I just wonder if the second really is a solid fact, or at some point in time you decided that it was (and maybe it's time to re-visit that decision).

I can understand choosing "defensive" clothing at times when you might be at risk for being attacked, but I would hope that doesn't constitute your normal day.

Oh, and it's possible to dye clothing (I'm think of the white socks).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I think what I'm most unhappy with is the fact that things don't fit. Many people grab clothing off a rack, try it on, and go home with it, content. If I were willing to go to a tailor and triple the price of each item of clothing both in dollars and in minutes, I could look as good as those people look.

Given that I'm wearing mass-produced unaltered clothing, I think I haven't done too badly. Yes, it's ugly. But it doesn't get me kicked out of work and it doesn't get me treated the way I was treated before I learned to dress this way. That much is fine. I just wish I could look nicer, in the sense of dressier or less casual or more professional, without either tripling my clothing budget or looking (in my own perception) cheap and easy.

I guess another big piece of frustration is the shoes. Ain't nothing looks good with a shoe like that... but I'll never be reasonable and unbiased about those. :-)