I am a fashion MAVEN

[cjsmith]

wordweaverlynn posted her style rules, which I thought were nifty and keen, and (since she asked her readers) I was inspired to create my own set of rules.

But it didn't really turn out to be a set of rules. It's more like a set of things -- a very, very small set of things -- that I can wear.

Here is why I look so dumpy all the time:

Shirt:

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.
These two rules taken together mean that my shirts are always knit and incredibly baggy.
Cat hair is optional, but usually present.

Pants:

Must be the only pants in the world that come close to fitting me: Eddie Bauer jeans, with the hips a size bigger than the waist. These come in two colors: blue and blue.

(If I could find them with the hips two sizes bigger than the waist, they would actually fit, and I would probably wear them even into the shower due to overwhelming bliss.)

Socks:

I have recently discovered that boys' socks fit me. These come in one color scheme: white with gray on the bottom. They can be seen in my shower.

Shoes:

These because I can stand up in them and even walk some. They are black, and they look dashing with those white and gray socks sticking out the front.

Comments

[sharya.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I have a larger chest as well, but baggy isn't always the answer. Buttons down the centre front also have a tendency to help support, depending on where they are in terms of height (and obviously the fabric).

My style gurus are the "What Not To Wear" crowd, and honestly, they've made a big difference in how I dress.

http://tlc.discovery.com/fansites/whatnottowear/whatnottowear.html

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

All I know for sure is that buttons down the center front will gap open unless the shirt is about six sizes too big in the shoulders, arms, and belly. One of the things I don't want to display at work is my bra. What do you mean by "a tendency to help support"? Support what?

[sharya.livejournal.com]

I re-read your post - you said shirt and my mind translated "top". Jackets with button-down fronts are awesome for larger chests, as depending on where you get the buttons to end, they actually offer some support. The idea being that the jacket is fitted, and the buttons lock the boobs into place - no bouncing, and no gaping.

I'm still thinking a nice fitted shirt with button-down front would probably work alright. If it was fitting properly, it shouldn't gape and give bra-shots. Do you get your stuff tailored?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ah, gotcha. Yeah, a jacket would help a little, especially if it was curved dramatically (so as not to make me look like a giant square on top of two little sticks). And a shirt that fit would have to be a custom order from scratch, but starting from scratch it might at least be possible.

I am sooooooo grateful that I have a job where I can wear jeans and knit shirts. If I didn't, every single item of clothing I would wear to work would have to be custom made!

[deege.livejournal.com]

Eris Apparel (http://www.erisapparel.com/index.asp?PageAction=Custom&ID=3)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, that is awesome! Of course, it's fifty bucks for a plain button-front shirt (and that's ON SALE from NINETY!), and it could still need tailoring according to their FAQ and my cup size. But this is an amazing step for women whose chests determine their clothing choices. It means there's HOPE.

[mbumby.livejournal.com]

I attended a "learn this system for making clothing, get a free (proto-)pattern, and spend lots of money on our doo-dads -- but of course we won't tell you that up front" session a few years ago (about 10). I've not actually had time/space to make clothes, but one thing I do remember is that the actual (y axis) location of the buttons matters a lot. Of course I _don't_ remember whether you want to position a button (and space the others accordingly) right between the boobs, or at that sweet-spot an inch or so above (with another one equally below) to keep button-shirts from gapping. (And I am not the person to experiment on, because as I say, when I'm flat on my back, I'm _flat_ on my back...)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I agree that the vertical location of the buttons is key. For me, either directly between or right above and right below will BOTH gap, but that is because mass-produced clothing is made for a B cup. If the shirt were made to fit my shape (definitely a custom operation) I am guessing that above-and-below would work better. It's when your arms move (pulling the shirt up a tad) that's the worst. I *think*. They're so bad on me that honestly I can't tell. :-)