I am a fashion MAVEN

[cjsmith]

wordweaverlynn posted her style rules, which I thought were nifty and keen, and (since she asked her readers) I was inspired to create my own set of rules.

But it didn't really turn out to be a set of rules. It's more like a set of things -- a very, very small set of things -- that I can wear.

Here is why I look so dumpy all the time:

Shirt:

Must be large enough that it does not draw attention to my boobs.
Must not have buttons down the center front - see above.
These two rules taken together mean that my shirts are always knit and incredibly baggy.
Cat hair is optional, but usually present.

Pants:

Must be the only pants in the world that come close to fitting me: Eddie Bauer jeans, with the hips a size bigger than the waist. These come in two colors: blue and blue.

(If I could find them with the hips two sizes bigger than the waist, they would actually fit, and I would probably wear them even into the shower due to overwhelming bliss.)

Socks:

I have recently discovered that boys' socks fit me. These come in one color scheme: white with gray on the bottom. They can be seen in my shower.

Shoes:

These because I can stand up in them and even walk some. They are black, and they look dashing with those white and gray socks sticking out the front.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Are you serious? WHERE DO YOU SHOP? I want the name of your tailor! And your favorite brand of jeans, and where you can buy bras (me: Nordstrom, 30G if they have any).

[tupelo.livejournal.com]

I buy Levi's, I don't like anything else, and I belt them and cuff them.

And my bras, again, the only ones I like, are Friday's Bra by Warner in 36DD (I'd really need an E if they made that).

I'm going to measure myself to make sure I'm not lying to you about the measurements. But yeah, all my tops are baggy black burqas.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You are probably actually bustier than I am, because if you're a 36 band, DD is quite a lot of cup. My "G" is really not that big unless you start peering at the contrast with the 30" ribcage. (My "G" is also presuming the scale that goes D, E, F, G, so DD = E.)

I am sooooooo into the baggy tops. On Halloween I dressed as a vampire in a slinky black thing, and one coworker was all HEY, you're PRETTY! I'm not quite sure what to make of that. I think it means my baggy clothing is successful.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I'm guessing it was a male co-worker, who didn't want to shout out "hey, NICE BOOBS" and missed his saving throw ;-)

I've had success with somewhat shaped tops and short sleeve sweaters with a denim or other button-up shirt open over it. It's comfortable, and doesn't draw quite as much attention to the chest.

I live in black jersey pants from Just My Size in the summer and sweats in the winter. Most jeans for ample butts and thighs like mine don't take into account that some of us actually do have smaller waists than hips.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hah! Actually, it was a woman -- the marathon runner in the office, whose figure looks a lot like mine used to look when I was a runner. Well, with a bit less chest. :)

Loose shirt open over another shirt is a thing I've had success with as well. What I should do, I think, is have a few shirts designed with that in mind: shirts that are way smaller than I would ever wear alone. (Sleeveless also works. I don't go out without sleeves on, but with an overshirt I could use a sleeveless underlayer.)

Most jeans for ample butts and thighs like mine don't take into account that some of us actually do have smaller waists than hips.

Amen! And most jeans for skinny waists don't take into account that some of us actually do have larger hips than waists. The bestest store display I ever saw, in a mall, had women with breasts and hips and pinchy waists... those mannequins, unlike all others, looked JUST LIKE ME! It was awesome, until I saw what store owned it. It was Lane Bryant. I'm about ten sizes too small for them to even let me in the door. I suppose I could apply for a job as a mannequin though. :-)

[elflet.livejournal.com]

Something I spotted for Ambar might be useful to you: http://www.decentexposures.com/

It looks like they carry 30G bras as a stock item (which means they'll take a return if you don't like it) and you can order anything custom-made.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Their designs are way too relax-and-let-it-all-hang for me, but I am totally impressed that they carry 30G. Almost nobody thinks we exist. That's excellent.