I will now chew off the inside of my own face

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm so stressed that I can't imagine what would help me relax, even for a moment. I think I want to take a break and then I realize I've been so overwhelmed that I've been taking nothing but breaks. Then I want to take a break from THAT because the energy involved in suppressing the stress is so high.

I imagine myself at a spa getting my feet rubbed... or curled up in a nest of blankets, or sitting in a hot tub... and any of that would just be something else to get through. It wouldn't solve the problem. None of the relaxation would go past the skin and touch me.

Gah. What do you do to relax? Really relax? (Aside from alcohol or drugs. THERE'S a good way to make sure I'm completely ineffective!)

I know I'm just going to have to get through it. It's just a matter of time. And really, I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion. It doesn't merit this much angst. But gaaaah I really want it to be DONE.

Comments

[therobbergirl.livejournal.com]

I knit. *shrug* It works for me.

It also provides a measure for me of how much stress I'm feeling. The larger the number of projects, the more stress I'm feeling. Unless, of course, I've been working on projects that are more complicated than most of other projects. Then it's a completely useless metric.

So, um, how about a margarita? ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I've assembled a frightening number of jigsaw puzzles lately. Margarita is sounding pretty good. :-)

[sharya.livejournal.com]

I'm a huge fan of a nice warm bubble bath, a good book, and hot chocolate, or a glass of good wine.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Mmm, hot chocolate - I hadn't thought of that one!

[sharya.livejournal.com]

I was reading the rest of the comments here and it looks like you've got a good list of suggestions going. Also noted that it's primarily a waiting game you're having to deal with, and for that (for me at least) it's all about distraction. The busier you can keep yourself and your mind, the easier it will be to wait out whatever it is that you're waiting for.

Whatever it is, if you ever feel like sharing, I'll be right there giving support (along with the rest of your lj list!).

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you! There's a reason I can't (yet) explain it all here on LJ, but I suspect (I hope I hope) it won't be too much longer.

Busy and distracted. I like that. Oh rfrench... ;-)

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

What, precisely, is causing all this stress? If you want to share, of course.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'll shoot you an e-mail.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Inbox is wide open.

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Well...actually, finding a small but concrete step that I can take towards dealing with the source of stress - something that can be done in a few hours, say - and actually getting that thing done, helps me like nobody's business.

Heck, I should really do that more often. :)

[runeshower.livejournal.com]

I second this. The only actual solution to MY stress is to get moving and actually finish something. (All else is just treating the symptoms.) It can be a really small thing; the little satisfaction from completing and checking it off gives me enough strength to do more.

Oh, and I make lists. I've also heard that taking a little walk - just a few minutes of fresh air - can give a new perspective.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm in the (possibly first of many) Waiting Game stage.

Walking would be fabulous. Exercise and fresh air combined! Damn these feet.

Better get my butt in the pool again. Exercise really does help.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*nod* I've done a lot of the concrete steps I can do right now and am in a waiting phase. Well... I could do a couple more things. Should do a couple more things. But the waiting, man, that I hate!

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

Three things work somewhat reliably.

1. Start reading journal articles about something that interests me, but is only tangentially related to what I'm actively thinking about at work. Take a few days and really figure something out that has no immediate use -- something good and solid that I can really get my teeth into.

2. Stand in the door of a plane, breathe, remember that there are ninety seconds left in my life, and get out. Do absolutely nothing but look around until deloyment time comes -- just fly.

3. Fetch out my rifle and go target shooting at Chabot. There is something very contemplative and Zen-like about it; a measure of mental focus is required. The stillness of mind can really help.

Anyways, just what works for me.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, I bet stepping out of an airplane is a deeply powerful reminder that some stuff really isn't all that important.

I agree about the stillness of mind required for target shooting. I *can't* shoot well while obsessing about yesterday, tomorrow, or even this afternoon. I must be right here right now.

Thanks!

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

It is an indescribably powerful wake-up call, and I would go so far as to say that basically everything isn't really that important.

As far as stillness of mind goes, I offer only a quote:

This one a long time have I watched. All his life has he looked away... to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was. Hmm? What he was doing. Hmph. Adventure. Heh. Excitement. Heh. A Jedi craves not these things. You are reckless.

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

i'm a big fan of lists. writing things down, making sense of things and giving them priorities, and getting them outta my brain, goes a long way to giving me control over whatever's bouncing around my brain.

another de-stress tactic i use at home is to take a 10-15 minute veg-out nap. sit/lay on the couch, focus on breathing deeply (i tend to hold my breath when stressed) and calming myself down.

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Breathing. That's a good one. *nods*

I'm a big fan of lists too -- you should see the number of lists I have generated recently. :-) Heh!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Anything I can help with? I got the gist (I think) of part of it from comments we've exchanged elsewhere, but if I can be an ear, that often helps me with the stress - even if it's unwarranted kvetching, getting it out of my system sometimes helps me feel better about the issue and enables me to take productive action more easily.

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh boy, can I ever kvetch. Intellectually I *know* this isn't that bad. Still... kvetch kvetch kvetch. :-P

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

if online kvetching works, i'm on at the oddest of times :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) I'm Y!IM "invisible" a lot while at work, but we may overlap at some other time. Much appreciated.

[katestine.livejournal.com]

If I can't remove the stressor (by completion or making it go away), I read or try something new that will require my complete attention.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The skydiving comment above is probably a great example of that. I'm not sure I'm ready to take that on... but I bet it would break this obsessive stress cycle!

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Hugs, m'dear. Anytime you want to talk...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Bleah!

[jtidwell.livejournal.com]

Sometimes the relaxation, getting-away-from-it-all things really do help me destress. Other times, they make it worse because I just need to GET IT DONE ALREADY, whatever it is that's stressing me. Those times, I just put in long, persistent hours in order to get through it and put it out of my life. People tell me I should take breaks, but honestly, taking breaks would make the stress worse... it's hard to explain to them.

Hm, looks like runeshower said something very similar. Yeah. What she said. :-)

(Sympathies... you're probably getting this question a lot, but at some point, could you tell me privately what's up?)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've got it done and am now waiting. (Well, mostly. There's more I could do... SHOULD do... but it's small, now.)

I hate waiting.

E-mail on the way.

[ohhjuliet.livejournal.com]

For me...if I cannot eliminate the cause of the stress, I try to find a way to ignore it...

1. Music - Music is a huge release for me. Whether I'm driving or just listening to iPod, it really helps.

2. Reading - if I can focus enough to do this, it's a welcome break from my own reality.

3. Chatting with a friend - I frequently do this via IM. Helps tremendously.

4. Writing - again if I can focus enough to do it.

5. A cup of tea - because, well it's a cup of tea.

*hug* Feel better.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hmm, maybe really LOUD music...! Haven't tried that! :-)

I've definitely imposed on some friends, done some reading, and consumed many cups of tea. Those are wonderful ideas.

Thanks.

[kimatha.livejournal.com]

And really, I'm blowing the whole thing out of proportion. It doesn't merit this much angst.

No, it does. Because look, a tiny little splinter in your finger may be tiny, but it causes pain way out of proportion to its size. Be stressed out and angst-filled, but don't be stressed about being stressed!

The best way to deal with stress like this for me is to have something to look forward to. Looking at pictures of cats helps too.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

At least I'm not kicking myself or blaming myself for being overstressed. That far, I haven't gone. :-)

I think I will look forward to a weekend trip with Rob! WOOHOO! Good one.

Thanks.

[veazeyae.livejournal.com]

I hope you get a chance to relax.

Er, have I mentioned that that icon is muy disturbing? :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Hee hee, it's a baaaaaaaby hitler! ;-)

I also really like that icon of yours. One of the few animated things I don't just adblock. :-)

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Well, I was in a really, really stressful situation last year, and there were a few things that helped for a while. A 1 1/2 hour massage every one or two weeks was really nice and helped some. When that didn't help anymore, then I actually had to contemplate changing the situation that was causing me stress (results of stress: losing weight, feeling frantic, re-experiencing grief from Dave's death, needing to go back on anti-anxiety meds, actually taking a valium or two on really bad days), and then I actually had to change the situation.

I can't tell you how empowering changing that situation was. When I was in the stressful situation, it seemed like life and death, and I was so caught up in the drama and the frustrations. Then, once I got past the decision that changed my situation, I suddenly realized that everything wasn't life and death, it was external and not very important.

But man, that was a difficult decision, made far more difficult by being under extreme duress while I made it. I made that decision because I was going to die if I didn't. I am not being melodramatic. My heart would have given out or I would've become anorexic (which for me is truly impossible, except when my body is constantly in fight-or-flight).

What's wrong with my brain that made a situation such a life-and-death thing, is what I would like to know?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That icon is really scary!

Changing the situation is exactly what I'm going to need to do, and I've taken steps, and now I need to either take some more steps or wait. Probably wait at least a little. Waiting sucks.

What *is* wrong with our brains? My situation isn't as awful as yours was, I don't think, but I'm way overreacting. My heart races at random times. I don't sleep at all well. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?

[redgrrl.livejournal.com]

Get outside and do something physical, if possible, something that tires you completely out and takes your mind entirely off anything but getting through the next few minutes...

Sending good thoughts your way!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

DAMN these feet. Yeah, got to get my body moving somehow. Thanks!

[yoak.livejournal.com]

Some people have pointed to excercise, which does work for me, but I'm sorta surprised that no one has suggested rigorous, sweaty, heart-pounding, writhing mathematics. (You knew that was how that sentence was going to end... right? ;-)

For me, the most effective way to deal with the sort of state you are describing is to fill my brain up completely with some problem hard enough that getting to an answer is going to require the complete ignoring of all other concerns. Since I perfected this approach, I'm basically capable of scratching my head over geometry as the house burns down, so one must be careful, but it *does* solve the problem you're talking about. It is also a very handy way to get unstuck on a problem. If you've ever noticed the phenomenon of getting stuck on something, setting it aside and later coming back to it and having the solution be obvious, you can induce that effect in much shorter time than it takes to naturally just realize it in the shower the next day.

*hug* Wish you weren't so stressed.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Huh - I'm not at all sure I could concentrate on a hard problem right now. That's an amazing talent to have! I'm really intrigued!

Things *will* get better. I just wish they were better NOW. [whine, foot-stomp!]

Figure out what has worked in the past....

[dogens-zen.livejournal.com]

Often it's not simply relaxing, but shifting your focus - doing an activity that takes your mind to a different place. Might be physical activity or mental. Or a combination like Yoga.

I find putting on my iPod and then working on photos or writing on LJ tends to do the trick pretty well. Your results may vary. ;-)

Re: Figure out what has worked in the past....

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*nod* Some of the things that have worked in the past aren't working now, so I've been enjoying all the ideas other people have presented. (My friends list is a creative and interesting bunch of people!) And yeah - sometimes the only thing one can do is distract oneself. I simply need to find the right distraction. :-)

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

I stretch my neck and shoulders. When I get better at this yoga stuff, I will do some of that too.

Stretching helps me, even tho it sometimes hurts because I neglect it till I am far too tight and achey. I breathe.

I hang out with Two Kittens. They usually manage to make me laugh.

I fantasize about just bailing on the whole darn thing... I don't plan on doing that right away, but planning out how I -could- and -just might- leave (work stress) makes me feel better.

On a very Bad Bad Day, I took an old bedsheet (which had been outside in rain in a box of stuff and which had gotten kind of funky even after three washins and was going to have to be thrown away anyway...) and ripped that sucker into tiny tiny shreds. That worked rather well, but you have to be able to really abandon yourself to it. Not a halfhearted measure at all.

Good luck!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Stretching sounds lovely. I have been reminding myself to breathe (amazing how much that can help).

Kittens! Yes! The Doctor prescribes a big dose of kittenness. :-)

Thanks!

[laurenhat.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'd really like to know the answer to this, too. Looks like you got some great comments. I think Vito is right, when possible, but it sounds like you're in one of those situations where you're mostly waiting. Good luck -- I hope things have gotten better at this point (I'm a couple days behind on LJ).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Yes, there are a lot of good comments here. Another couple of weeks and it should be aaaaaaaall in the past!

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Have a great weekend gallivanting in TX! And one last piece of unsolicited advice that I try to follow from yoga - be in the moment. Hard for me to do, but great if I can do it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Good point! Right this instant no one is threatening me, no one is attacking me, I have enough food and I have shelter, my cats are safe... it's really not that bad a moment.