Bridal shower etiquette

[cjsmith]

One of the vet techs at the clinic where I work is getting married soon, and I'm invited to her bridal shower.

I have no idea what gift, if any, to bring. If she is registered on any wedding gift list thingy, I don't know about it. She has mentioned, once, that rather than any material gift she'd rather have help setting up / cleaning up for the party -- but I think she meant the one after the wedding, not the shower. I can't attend the wedding; I'm working (at the clinic!) that day.

I also have no idea what to wear. Keep in mind that there are no pants in the world that fit me except one specific brand of jeans, so that's what I own, and if I'm to wear a dress or skirt, it is going to go with unshaved legs, white ankle socks, and these shoes.

Ideas? Thoughts? Is either of these the kind of question one asks the maid of honor?

Comments

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

Where is the shower being held? In a house, restaurant? Evening or daytime? If it's in a house or brunch, you probably can wear jeans and a nice shirt.

I'd ask the maid of honor about being registered or what she might need.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's being held in "the Crystal Room" at a church. Early afternoon.

Thanks for the bit about asking the maid of honor about gifts! I had thought maybe that would be the right person to ask.

[takhisis.livejournal.com]

I would absolutely ask the maid of honor about the registry.

There is some massive idiocy that it's "unbearably tacky" to mention your registry in any way that's convenient to the wedding guests, and people are absolutely supposed to individually ask the bride, the mother of the bride, or the maid of honor to get the SEEKRIT SPESHUL INFO.

I thought that sounded like a massively stupid pain in the ass for no reason, so I just included a URL in my wedding invites that led to a site that had info on the registry, the venues, driving directions, dress code, and hotel discount blocks we had booked for out of state guests. :)

But that may be the reason she hasn't said anything, if she's doing the Emily Post routine. I broke so many "rules" at our wedding (and had so much family drama as a result) I'm probably not the best person to ask. ;)

[eeyore-grrl.livejournal.com]

registry: ask the maid of honor - takes most of the guess work out of it. otherwise i genearlly give lotions or massage oil and candles or something couple-y "personal" without being so risque that "average" people would be scandalized.

all the bridal showers i've been too are pretty low key. i'd say your jeans and a "nice" shirt should be fine as long as it isn't at some super-posh and fancy restaurant which you said it isn't.

[lindalee.livejournal.com]

Yes, definitely ask the maid of honor for details, or the host of the party, if that's someone different.

What to wear can vary really widely depending on the type of party, so that's hard to say...so again, ask.

Some showers have gift themes...like cooking implements, or lingerie, or something. If this is the case, it would have probably been listed on the invitation.

If there is a registry, that should really only be a suggestion, anyway. At the time of my bridal shower last Spring, I had a wedding registry, but not a shower registry, and a few people gave me things off of the wedding registry, but I think most didn't. Everything that people gave me was really great, and it was a huge range of things, with (I'm quite sure) a huge range of price tags...garden stuff, a bathrobe, a massage gift certificate, a funny-looking bright orange monkey vegetable peeler. Just give your friend something that you think she'll like, and more importantly, show up and make it a great party by adding one more cool person to the event.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it. :-)

[evilegg.livejournal.com]

Your advice is better than mine. I was gonna say send a gift and skip that shit, but this what a horrible person I am: I have been a bride's maid two times and maid of honor three times, but I have only ever even attended one shower, and I have never hosted one. It really doesn't occur to me that other people like the things I don't like.

::cocks head::

[evilegg.livejournal.com]

Why not black socks?

[sharya.livejournal.com]

Having had a couple of recent experiences where the maid of honour was useless and knew nothing, I'd be inclined to ask the bride personally. Sometimes the bride might also include mentioning something like "we are dying for this bedroom furniture set at store XYZ, but it's not on the registry because it's too expensive so I didn't bother." - at which point you can promptly purchase a gift certificate from store XYZ.

It doesn't really matter what you buy, as long as you include a gift receipt. During weddings/showers, there are invariably duplicate gifts no matter how detailed the registry. It was beyond awesome for those people who were organized enough to tape the gift receipt to the gift, as I then had a choice about whether or not to keep, it, and it also sends the message that if it's not the right gift, then it's ok to exchange it for something they want. With people who don't include a gift receipt, you never know if they expect you to cherish their lovely laundry basket forever, or if they spent 5 hours picking out that ugly table cloth and cloth napkins and expect you to die with appreciation over it, or if they just didn't spend any time at all, picked up the first thing they saw, and don't care if you exchange it.

Outfit-wise, I would think as long as you wear a nice shirt, you'll be ok in jeans... provided they're a nice dark-wash jean, and not all faded/distressed and looking like they're 20 years old and old paint clothes.

[leback.livejournal.com]

I also think asking the maid of honor is a good idea -- at least ideally, she is someone who knows the bride well enough to have a clue! It also occurs to me that if what the bride really wants is wedding setup/cleanup assistance, she may well be delighted to accept some of that even prior to the day of. I've never planned a wedding, but in the movies, it always seems to involve an extraordinary lot of busywork for months beforehand...

[shadopanther.livejournal.com]

Is there a theme to the bridal shower? Some have themes (eg: kitchen items), some don't.

Does any of the other vet staff have any ideas?

Any other ideas I had have all ready been said: asking about a registry, gift receipt, etc.

[mbumby.livejournal.com]

When we have showers for folks at work, luckily usually someone organizes a group gift. So everyone chips in a couple (or a couple dozen) bucks, and the mom/bride/whatever to be gets something large-and-useful. And usually a few smaller-but-still-useful things. I'm not terribly social (and I HATE shopping, and I truly suck at buying gifts), so I'm happiest if I can throw money, sign the card, and not go. When it's at work, I will take a few minutes, make an appearance, and scoot back to my desk. G'luck.