social life

[cjsmith]

Here are a few things I notice.

- anyone who's interested in spending time with me becomes less interested once they get to know me
- the people who know me best have the least time to spend with me
- if I stop reaching out and making invitations, I stop seeing anyone (there's one exception here)

What that tells me is either a) I'm going mad, and imagining observable facts, or b) I do not provide value. (Long term, that is. Short term -- people who don't know me yet -- I think people like the tits. But long term, they see what else comes with, and it's no longer a net win.)

I have to learn how to be a net win, how to provide better value for time spent.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right, I didn't even think of those, and I'm not sure why. I also realized after I wrote the post that I hadn't remembered my friend Karen's invitation to dinner last night. Maybe I'm subconsciously discounting any invitation to a thing I can't attend? (I had a prior commitment last night. This happens a lot -- many things in my life are set up way in advance.)

Maybe I should make more effort to go to group things, like parties. I don't usually try very hard to rearrange other stuff so that I could attend. As a sort-of-shy person, I think I've mentally labeled parties "not fun" categorically. This isn't always true in practice... and there are ways to make a party fun even if I'm shyish... and they can even be good places to connect with people one-on-one, too.

[firecat]

I'm rarely in the mood for parties, but sometimes I reciprocate party invites with a one-on-one invitation. Or I throw my own party, which is more fun for me than going to other people's, because I know everyone.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

sometimes I reciprocate party invites with a one-on-one invitation

[nod] good thought. I think my brain is twisting things in such a way that that would "count" as me reaching out more, which says a lot about why I got to feeling the way I did when I posted.

[firecat]

I think of doing that as "reaching out more" too. But in the past I liked one-on-one dates better than parties so it made sense to do it. These days my preferences aren't as clear-cut.

[eichin.livejournal.com]

Hmm, does that mean you don't throw parties, either? (I've always felt that's one of the reasons to go to the trouble of having a *house*... though I guess I throw a reasonable number in my Davis^2 apartment too, so maybe it doesn't relate *that* well.) Hosting is a fair amount of work, but it does get easier with practice (both in units of effort and of stress.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, throwing a party is *very* rare for me. Last time I did that I was lucky not to have to replace expensive equipment that was... well, not QUITE misused. Plus one guest, annoyed at something, said right in front of me "We'll never have THIS [way of doing things] in OUR house." (To be fair I don't know if she knew I was standing right there.) I also got some kudos and all, but nah, parties aren't worth it for me.

[ambar.livejournal.com]

I've found it quite difficult to persuade people to drive out here (1.5-2 hours from the Bay Area, depending on which part, but it might as well be Boston the way they act. :-) So, other than the housewarming, which was *really* well attended, I think I've thrown 2 parties in the 5 years I've been out here.