Grrr

[cjsmith]

Frustrated. Angry. As usual, no one's fault but my own. Why am I such a MORON? Why do I procrastinate things? Ugh. This is the second time in a row I have screwed up this particular thing, too, which just makes it indescribably worse.

Can I just run away now? I'll move to someplace where no one can find me, no Internet connection, no phone, nothing. I'll never have to worry about this again. I won't guilt myself into trying a third time, and I'll never even have to fess up that I, CJ Smith, f*cked it up AGAIN. I'll just vanish. I won't let anybody down ever again. Poof, I'm invisible, I'm gone.

Comments

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Grr, grr, grr. My inner child is stomping around.

[yoak.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm sorry. I know the feeling. It sucks.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ugh. Sure does. Bleagh. Least I went and fessed up. That sort of thing doesn't wait well. But still... Gawd, I'd be mad at me if I let me down twice in a row. Heck, I'm mad at me as it is. Keeping my word is important to me. Grrr!

Don't Get Too Down on Yourself

[cwilson.livejournal.com]

CJ, don't be so hard on CJ. She's a friend of mine and I don't like
people treating her badly, even herself.

Re: Don't Get Too Down on Yourself

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Well... I'll try.

She's a friend of mine and I don't like people treating her badly, even herself.

(sniffle) thanks.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

OK Lieutenant (or is it Captain?) you blew the movement. You've had time to recognize what you did and kick yourself around. Failure is not an option, so adjust and move on.

(Your friendly neighborhood Master Sergeant of Marines.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The fact that Master Seargeant oughtta outrank Lieutenant is often overlooked... to the Lieutenant's peril.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm also a Major of state militia, but I was going with my strength. I'm proud to have assisted in the continuing education of several lieutenants, one of whom was a battalion commander the last time I saw him.

As for what I was trying to tell you CJ, there are good reasons to be hard on yourself, and bad reasons. It looked from here like you were slipping over from critical analysis into useless self flagellation. It's a problem good officers can have sometime, ma'am.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah... This one was rough, because it was a matter of KEEPING MY WORD. I am perhaps a bit too overzealous on that front sometimes.

It's a problem good officers can have sometime, ma'am.

(nods) Thank you, Sergeant, I think I see what you're getting at. And yes -- I've seen that sort of thing in good responsible folk, myself.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that you value your integrity. That is the most important quality of a good officer. But I would commend to you the exchange between Miles Vorkosigan and his father, Aral, in Lois McMaster Bujold's book, A Civil Campaign where Miles is very upset about having not been able to keep his given word. His father, a man who was once the Regent of an interplanetary empire, explains that you sometimes just have to reset and go on. Don't let the failure make you think that your integrity is unimportant, because that way lies dissipation and dispair. But don't let the failure cripple you either. Firmly resolve to learn from the experience, do better the next time, admit your mistakes, and go on.

And you're welcome, ma'am.

[(Anonymous)]

"The problem with oaths of the form ``death before dishonor'' is that in the long run they leave the world divided between the dead, and the forsworn..." Sure, it's fantasy, but it can be rather inspirational fantasy at times... _Mark_

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Isn't that backwards? The forsworn or just-about-to-be-forsworn are the ones to die, yes? Or does this quote assume the remaining living people simply didn't take the oath?

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

No, if it's death before dishonour, the only people who *don't* die are the ones who dishonour themselves and forswear their oaths.

[abz6598.livejournal.com]

I'll move to someplace where no one can find me, no Internet connection, no phone, nothing. I'll never have to worry about this again. I won't guilt myself into trying a third time, and I'll never even have to fess up that I, CJ Smith, f*cked it up AGAIN. I'll just vanish. I won't let anybody down ever again. Poof, I'm invisible, I'm gone.

Speaking as someone who has screwed up tremednously lately, I can sympathize.

Come visit and we'll both take a vacation from responsibility...Glacier is beautiful this time of year.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Mmm, Glacier. (Or is that just a red herring, to throw others off our trail?) I'm so there.

[thorswitch.livejournal.com]

{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}

You know, if you DID try to disappear, I'd have to figure out how to come out and hunt you down.... and you don't want a mad witch on your tail. That's just usually not a good thing - hehe

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

uh oh, no, it usually isn't... maybe I'd better leave you my address, just to be on the safe side. :-)

Grrr

[firecat]

That's my mood. Give it back!

Re: Grrr

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

(chuckle) I needed that! 8-)

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

*hug*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

thanks.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Can I come with you?? I've done a couple of stupid things I'd like to disappear from, too. (Again, procrastination, with BIG consequences. Damn that sux.)

Big hugs.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Absolutely, you can come with me! You want it should be you and me and abz6598 at Glacier, or should we do some separate disappearances?

*hugs* back dear...

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Hmmm... I think we can disappear together, if we don't tell each other what we're disappearing from. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh. Yeah. OK, I'll stay quiet if you stay quiet. That way I get to see you! :-)

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Sounds great, girlfriend!!! Hey -- did your quarter come yet???

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Not as of yesterday - maybe today?

Thanks so much for sending it! I had been so sure I'd had that one that I gave two away to my friend whose daughters (6 and 3) are collecting. Then I never found one for me! :-)

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yeah, we did the same thing with delaware!! A *million* delawares were circulating around here, and we actually gave some away -- and forgot to save any for Timmy!! :) We finally found one, though.

The next quarter is Indiana. I'm excited -- it's the first quarter of a state I've lived in!! I hope it comes out before we move!!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I got it I got it I got it! *bounce* *bounce* Thanks SO much, girlfriend!

If you don't get Indiana before you move, I'll ship it to you in Cairo, how's that? :-)

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Cool, thanks!!

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

And speaking of stupid mistakes -- made one today that sent my son's blood sugar spiraling downward. Damn. It is so hard being a parent!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ouch! Yuck! There are some areas very unforgiving of basic human error. Instrument flight is one. Sounds like managing the care of diabetes for a son is another. I hope he's doing better now!

Re:

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Yeah, he's much better now. In fact, I'm letting him run a little high, just to make sure he's ok!!!

Yeah. Diabetes management, especially with an insulin pump, has zero forgiveness for human error. Bleh.