Grrr

[cjsmith]

Frustrated. Angry. As usual, no one's fault but my own. Why am I such a MORON? Why do I procrastinate things? Ugh. This is the second time in a row I have screwed up this particular thing, too, which just makes it indescribably worse.

Can I just run away now? I'll move to someplace where no one can find me, no Internet connection, no phone, nothing. I'll never have to worry about this again. I won't guilt myself into trying a third time, and I'll never even have to fess up that I, CJ Smith, f*cked it up AGAIN. I'll just vanish. I won't let anybody down ever again. Poof, I'm invisible, I'm gone.

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The fact that Master Seargeant oughtta outrank Lieutenant is often overlooked... to the Lieutenant's peril.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm also a Major of state militia, but I was going with my strength. I'm proud to have assisted in the continuing education of several lieutenants, one of whom was a battalion commander the last time I saw him.

As for what I was trying to tell you CJ, there are good reasons to be hard on yourself, and bad reasons. It looked from here like you were slipping over from critical analysis into useless self flagellation. It's a problem good officers can have sometime, ma'am.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah... This one was rough, because it was a matter of KEEPING MY WORD. I am perhaps a bit too overzealous on that front sometimes.

It's a problem good officers can have sometime, ma'am.

(nods) Thank you, Sergeant, I think I see what you're getting at. And yes -- I've seen that sort of thing in good responsible folk, myself.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that you value your integrity. That is the most important quality of a good officer. But I would commend to you the exchange between Miles Vorkosigan and his father, Aral, in Lois McMaster Bujold's book, A Civil Campaign where Miles is very upset about having not been able to keep his given word. His father, a man who was once the Regent of an interplanetary empire, explains that you sometimes just have to reset and go on. Don't let the failure make you think that your integrity is unimportant, because that way lies dissipation and dispair. But don't let the failure cripple you either. Firmly resolve to learn from the experience, do better the next time, admit your mistakes, and go on.

And you're welcome, ma'am.

[(Anonymous)]

"The problem with oaths of the form ``death before dishonor'' is that in the long run they leave the world divided between the dead, and the forsworn..." Sure, it's fantasy, but it can be rather inspirational fantasy at times... _Mark_

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Isn't that backwards? The forsworn or just-about-to-be-forsworn are the ones to die, yes? Or does this quote assume the remaining living people simply didn't take the oath?

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

No, if it's death before dishonour, the only people who *don't* die are the ones who dishonour themselves and forswear their oaths.