We never see ourselves the way others see us

[cjsmith]

Yesterday my boss announced my imminent departure in our (small, just the OS group) team meeting. Just after that I sent the nice tidy "been great working with you, best of luck to the company" mail to the whole software team and a few random others I've worked closely with.

I was inundated with mail and with people dropping by, all saying they were sorry to see me go. I was completely useless for the rest of the day what with all the conversations. I had no idea I would get that much of a reaction! People I've worked with only very briefly -- an architect from the other side of the building, for example -- called it "a sad day" and said they'd enjoyed working with me! I was amazed. I think I've got more than 25% of the company coming to my goodbye lunch.

Jim called me outgoing. Can you believe it? Outgoing? My boss said I'm a hard worker and I never complain. I guess I save the whining for here! And lots of people praised my work, my intelligence, my responsiveness, etc. Here I've been spending months slogging through a project, thinking my God I've got to get out of this kind of work and back into something I can blaze through, and they're all saying I'm fantastic. Okay then!

I guess we never can see ourselves the way others see us. Over and over I fall into the trap of thinking I'm getting a better, more realistic image of my outward self, and then over and over I get gobsmacked when I learn that my image is way off the mark.

Comments

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Wow, that's a great way to be surprised, though!

I don't think I'd realized you had actually decided to quit. What are you going to do next?

[billeyler.livejournal.com]

Very very true.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

See, I'm not surprised in the least. That's exactly what I would expect, knowing you.

[apparentparadox]

It also shows that our whole work environment is out of whack. People are not given reasonable feedback until after they have reached a breaking point. Rather than being pro-active and keeping employees productive and in touch with reasonable expectations, companies seem to try to get as much as they can while paying as little as they can. How many times have you heard of someone telling their boss that they are leaving, and only then the company falls all over itself offering pay increases, different projects, etc. to keep the person? Why weren't these things offered before the employee hit the breaking point?

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

What a wonderful tribute!

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

The job that lets you stay sane (and gives you a sense of accomplishment and support) is coming soon, I suspect.

It's usually by the end of one's career than one figures out just what that is. :) I'm coaching somebody right now...

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised in the least, CJ! Anything you do, you do wholeheartedly and well, and you're a very warm and caring person. It's unfortunate that they didn't let you give you this feedback before it was too late, but that's so typical of our closed-in society. As much as technology lets us be in constant communication with one another, it's all too rare that people use it to tell someone else how they feel about them -- whether socially or in the work environment.

It may be too late for them, but it's not too late for you. Feeling so good about yourself will make interviewing for your next job much easier. And when you're relaxed and confident in an interview, you're much more likely to get the job you want!

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Well *I* certainly knew all those things about you!!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, that's a lovely surprise. I think more often than not, people really do notice the work we do and the attitude we carry with us, even at the times when my own attitude may strike me as being awful. :)