We never see ourselves the way others see us

[cjsmith]

Yesterday my boss announced my imminent departure in our (small, just the OS group) team meeting. Just after that I sent the nice tidy "been great working with you, best of luck to the company" mail to the whole software team and a few random others I've worked closely with.

I was inundated with mail and with people dropping by, all saying they were sorry to see me go. I was completely useless for the rest of the day what with all the conversations. I had no idea I would get that much of a reaction! People I've worked with only very briefly -- an architect from the other side of the building, for example -- called it "a sad day" and said they'd enjoyed working with me! I was amazed. I think I've got more than 25% of the company coming to my goodbye lunch.

Jim called me outgoing. Can you believe it? Outgoing? My boss said I'm a hard worker and I never complain. I guess I save the whining for here! And lots of people praised my work, my intelligence, my responsiveness, etc. Here I've been spending months slogging through a project, thinking my God I've got to get out of this kind of work and back into something I can blaze through, and they're all saying I'm fantastic. Okay then!

I guess we never can see ourselves the way others see us. Over and over I fall into the trap of thinking I'm getting a better, more realistic image of my outward self, and then over and over I get gobsmacked when I learn that my image is way off the mark.

Comments

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I'm not surprised in the least, CJ! Anything you do, you do wholeheartedly and well, and you're a very warm and caring person. It's unfortunate that they didn't let you give you this feedback before it was too late, but that's so typical of our closed-in society. As much as technology lets us be in constant communication with one another, it's all too rare that people use it to tell someone else how they feel about them -- whether socially or in the work environment.

It may be too late for them, but it's not too late for you. Feeling so good about yourself will make interviewing for your next job much easier. And when you're relaxed and confident in an interview, you're much more likely to get the job you want!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! I agree that it happens outside the workplace too. My favorite example is a eulogy. It reminds me to give compliments when I can.

Feeling so good about yourself will make interviewing for your next job much easier.

Absolutely! That's very good timing. :-)

[kennita.livejournal.com]

A lot of people I know are going to get to experience this soon. A well-known member of the Pagan and filking (and many other) communities died in a motorcycle crash Tuesday night. I didn't know her well, but I met her, and what I remember of her is "passionate". I've seen more than a hundred LJ posts about her in the past day, a number of which were of the "I'm sad that I never got around to..." variety.

Definitely say the nice things now, while you can. Which reminds me -- CJ, I think you're beautiful, intelligent, friendly, talented, and fun to be around. I'm glad I know you.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes. I didn't know her well either, and I'm not sure I've ever met her, but I knew *of* her.

Thank you so much! Kennita, I think you're intelligent, courageous, practical, caring, fun, emotionally resilient, and highly principled. I'm glad I know you too.