We never see ourselves the way others see us

[cjsmith]

Yesterday my boss announced my imminent departure in our (small, just the OS group) team meeting. Just after that I sent the nice tidy "been great working with you, best of luck to the company" mail to the whole software team and a few random others I've worked closely with.

I was inundated with mail and with people dropping by, all saying they were sorry to see me go. I was completely useless for the rest of the day what with all the conversations. I had no idea I would get that much of a reaction! People I've worked with only very briefly -- an architect from the other side of the building, for example -- called it "a sad day" and said they'd enjoyed working with me! I was amazed. I think I've got more than 25% of the company coming to my goodbye lunch.

Jim called me outgoing. Can you believe it? Outgoing? My boss said I'm a hard worker and I never complain. I guess I save the whining for here! And lots of people praised my work, my intelligence, my responsiveness, etc. Here I've been spending months slogging through a project, thinking my God I've got to get out of this kind of work and back into something I can blaze through, and they're all saying I'm fantastic. Okay then!

I guess we never can see ourselves the way others see us. Over and over I fall into the trap of thinking I'm getting a better, more realistic image of my outward self, and then over and over I get gobsmacked when I learn that my image is way off the mark.

Comments

[apparentparadox]

It also shows that our whole work environment is out of whack. People are not given reasonable feedback until after they have reached a breaking point. Rather than being pro-active and keeping employees productive and in touch with reasonable expectations, companies seem to try to get as much as they can while paying as little as they can. How many times have you heard of someone telling their boss that they are leaving, and only then the company falls all over itself offering pay increases, different projects, etc. to keep the person? Why weren't these things offered before the employee hit the breaking point?

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

This is so very true, and it's so very wrong. It was also my experience. Everyone loved me and thought I was doing a hell of a job, and I felt like the frickin' sky was falling.

But anyway, I'm glad you got some great feedback. It's something you can take with you, and maybe even give you some perspective some time in the future when (excuse me, IF) you need it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Isn't that just insane? Gah.

And yes, the great feedback helps my confidence at a time when it's very useful to have some confidence (interviewing).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I hear ya. It's human nature outside the workplace, I think, too: how many compliments do you hear in a eulogy, and how many compliments did those same people give when the person was alive to hear them? It really reminds me -- as an employee and not a manager or lead of any kind -- to say good stuff to my peers when I think of it. Why wait until they're leaving?

[kateo.livejournal.com]

So true. Happened when I left my job a few months ago, too.

Glad you got that kind of response, CJ!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's crazy sometimes. Hey, if they didn't value you while you were there, their loss! But that's easy for me to say from way over here.

Thanks!

[lcohen]

amen, and remind me to tell you the story of leaving NORC.

and CJ, i'm sorry the affirmations came late but i'm glad you received them!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yikes, sounds like that story is probably a classic example. And thanks!