In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[dr-scott.livejournal.com]

I'm not thrilled about driving a long way either, and I've given up thinking you can really have much of a relationship with people beyond about 20 minutes away. Actually most of my social life these days is through excessor, who *does* like to drive and encourages me to get out more than I naturally would. And being willing to trade cooking does help; I'm getting better at it. But that shouldn't stop you, since you can invite people over for snacks/drinks/assembly and then troop off to a nearby restaurant, or order up takeout.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

20 minutes is a good boundary line, I think. Shorter transit times than that allow for more spontaneity and more frequent short visits; longer times than that mean a flurry of scheduling e-mail and I eventually wind up seeing the person a couple times a year.

invite people over for snacks/drinks/assembly and then troop off to a nearby restaurant, or order up takeout

Yes, I like that idea! And learning to make good snacks seems easier somehow than learning to make good main dishes, so it'd be a useful beginning step.