In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I think if you talked to my best friend/adopted sister sebab, you would have a lot in common in this situation. All her close relationships have been with people who are physically distant, and it's a good thing that jodawi came along -- now she has more support, and someone she can relate to who's right there (especially post-transplant).

Have you thought about inviting people from distant places to come out and visit, and stay a few days? Would that satisfy the need for social contact and emotional connection?

Sometimes all it takes is the risk of putting yourself out there, and seeing what comes back.

I don't think you smell bad. I don't remember how you smell, exactly, but I would remember someone smelling bad. I remember a charming hostess who had a lovely party with delicious food at her home, and a tub full of lots of people laughing and relaxing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Indeed, my heart goes out to sebab (and has been for months) due to this.

I am incredibly happy for her that she got this transplant. I am so happy I've been tongue-tied -- I've made maybe one comment in her journal since she was notified. I soooooooooo hope this works out well!!

I sometimes do invite people to come for a visit. O'course, flying across several states is a big investment of time/money, so people tend to come visit when they have some other reason to be in this area. I like it when that works out.

Sometimes all it takes is the risk of putting yourself out there, and seeing what comes back.

Yep, I think this is very well put. I haven't been putting myself out there. Surprise!, nothing's been coming back. Time to take a look and see how I can (and how I want to) change that.

I remember a charming hostess who had a lovely party with delicious food at her home, and a tub full of lots of people laughing and relaxing.

Awwwwwwwwwwwwwww, *big blush* thank you! :-) :-) (This is so not my image of myself. I don't think of myself as someone who knows how to host stuff. I'm glad that party turned out well.)