My last Monday night square dance

[cjsmith]

As I've probably mentioned here before, I am convinced I must give up square dancing. If my feet are ever going to heal, giving them rest is probably a critical step, and if they're not... I just can't hack it. Last night as an experiment I took six pain pills before dancing. It messed up my stomach. My feet were only somewhat better.

This is the latest of several things I love I've had to give up. Running was first, then backpacking, then hiking; somewhere in there "going to a flea market" or "going to the mall" became not worth it; now square dancing is going.

I dance with a group on Monday nights. Oops, I mean I used to dance with a group on Monday nights. Last night was the last time. I'll miss them. I'm already grieving.

I get to square dance one more time, at a dance in New England, this coming weekend. That one is my swan song.

Letting go is *hard*.

Comments

[airporter.livejournal.com]

Aw, crap. *number 1 hug*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I feel like I should have accepted all this by now, but I haven't.

[ckd]

I really feel for you. It sounds incredibly hard, and all I can do is hope that they will get better and that you will be able to regain at least some of the things you are losing.

(I'm jealous of your flying time, though.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. (Maybe you could get a little time in the air for not a huge time/money commitment.)

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

*bug hugs*

You know how to reach me if you need to vent or whatever.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I sure do, and I appreciate it.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Crap, we were hoping the operation would do the trick. This stinks.

Where in New England are you going?? Hint...hint...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Dinner with my parents (Natick) Thursday night, then out to the western half of MA state for the square dance. I'm not even sure what town. It's maybe two hours' drive west of my parents' place, if I remember Rob's comments right.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

Oh CJ, I'm so sorry. I know how much you love this.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Yeah, I do.

Hell, I haven't gotten over giving up running yet, and that was in December 2003. I am really behind the curve on "accepting reality" here. :-/

[abenn.livejournal.com]

I feel for you more than I can say. I injured the major tendon in my right calf just over a month ago, and have twice tried to go back to dancing, too soon, as it turned out. I'm already going nuts, being unable to dance, hike, or exercise the way I like (and I'm putting on weight!) and it looks like I'll have to continue to stay off it through the end of the year. I didn't know it would be so hard.

Then again, my injury is still temporary, even if it will last some months. I'm trying to get my mind around how this must feel to you. Maybe us previously active gals should get together and find something fun we can try out. I wish I had the money to learn SCUBA; that'd be perfect right now...

All that said, I really want to recommend to you Terry McBride's book, The Hell I Can't! Terry healed himself of what was supposed to be an incurable condition that would keep him wheelchair bound, but his story is different from most. It took him years, but he points out that taking 16 years to heal is better than being the same or worse 16 years later.

I'd get the link for that for you now, but I'm out of time... I'd love to get together with you and tell you about Terry and the workshop of his that I went to.

Good luck, hon.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It is very, very, very hard for me to go without exercise like this. It's also very emotionally hard for me to recognize that it's probably permanent. GAAAAAAAAAAAAH. And yeah -- my metabolism has fallen way down. I can't eat like I used to, unless I want to shop for new clothes frequently!

Thanks for the book recommendation. I think it's best for now that I stay away from it. I'm getting awfully tired of, and unreasonably angered by, stories of people who heal. I am not healing and I am insanely jealous of people who do. I think it's healthiest for me right now to quit getting myself riled up.

Good luck with your calf injury. I know how hard it is to take it easy. I hope it heals soon and heals up strong.

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

(HUGS).

I don't see why you can't browse a flea market or mall in a wheel chair - excersize and getting out are important.

At least you can fly :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks.

I can if I get a lot better at wheelchair use (or if I buy a $2000 electric scooter).

Yes, I'm very glad I can fly. I can even mostly do it without pain.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. *hugs you back, gently* -- I'm sorry you're going through a lot of the same.

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

I hate having to give things up.

*hugs*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes indeedy, that sure does suck. I know you've gone through a lot along those lines. *hugs back*

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Oh, *hugs*, *hugs*, *hugs*. Life can be quite bratty sometimes, saying that you need to find new & different hobbies and exercise plans. Wish I could help!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Yeah, life needs to be given a good spanking! :-)

[hitchhiker.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that - I know how much you love it :( *hug* And if (when!) I move out there, I fully intend to spend a lot of time exploring fun new things to do with you, so be warned!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

EXCELLENT!! 8-) Want to learn to fly airplanes? heh heh heh

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

*hug*

I hope that, someday, square dancing will come back to you. I want to kiss your feet and make them better.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Awww, thank you. :-)

[lcohen]

oh this sounds so hard!!

*hug*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

It's rough, yeah. I am reminding myself that lots and lots of people have lived through worse, and while it's rough it won't kill me -- I *will* get through the mourning and build a happy life with different things in it.

[kateyule.livejournal.com]

Oh, shit.

CJ, if you ever come north to Portland & have some time, please do let us know. Would enjoy f2f time with you and not just LJ.

(Blank white cards came out again at the A&C weekend. We made sure to tell people it was your fault.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I'd enjoy that.

BWC *my* fault? Waitaminit! MY fault? At the July 4 weekend wasn't it YOUR suggestion?? How'd I get my name on this one?

[kateyule.livejournal.com]

http://www.livejournal.com/users/cjsmith/506814.html?thread=3572926#t3572926, that's how. I'd never heard of it before.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Really? You hadn't? Wow! Um, I guess I do indeed shoulder the blame, then. :-)

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

That just BITES! More kitty snuggles all around .... it's the only thing for it, for sure! Well, and ((hugs))

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thanks! Kitty snuggles are the best! (hugsback -- for all you're going through. yikes.)

[callyperry.livejournal.com]

Oh, hell, I was so hoping you wouldn't have to give up dancing. I'm so glad you're coming to the Berkshires first so I can dance with you. And hug you.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

[catching up] Thank you! And thank you so much for being so welcoming in person at the dance. On top of all the "last square dance" emotionfest, I was also a bit nervous about *drumroll* Berkshires, and that faded quickly when everyone was so friendly. (OK, I admit it: it helped that Friday night wasn't killer hard!)

[gregbo.livejournal.com]

Hi. I found you via ambar.

I had to take a while off from (ballroom) dancing due to a knee injury. "A while" has turned into "I don't dance much these days." My knees are better, thanks to new shoes, lost weight, and better exercise, but I'm still somewhat skittish about reinjuring myself. Also, I got busy with some other things.

Hope you'll be feeling well enough to dance again soon.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hi!

"A while" has turned into "I don't dance much these days."

I wouldn't be surprised if I wind up going this route as well. My life doesn't have a pause button, and I'll fill my time with stuff. Hopefully some of it will be increased square dance calling, keeping me in some of the same social circles, but who knows what else this time might bring.

I can certainly understand the skittishness about reinjury. Knees need caution. :-/ I wish you continued knee health!

Thanks!