My last Monday night square dance

[cjsmith]

As I've probably mentioned here before, I am convinced I must give up square dancing. If my feet are ever going to heal, giving them rest is probably a critical step, and if they're not... I just can't hack it. Last night as an experiment I took six pain pills before dancing. It messed up my stomach. My feet were only somewhat better.

This is the latest of several things I love I've had to give up. Running was first, then backpacking, then hiking; somewhere in there "going to a flea market" or "going to the mall" became not worth it; now square dancing is going.

I dance with a group on Monday nights. Oops, I mean I used to dance with a group on Monday nights. Last night was the last time. I'll miss them. I'm already grieving.

I get to square dance one more time, at a dance in New England, this coming weekend. That one is my swan song.

Letting go is *hard*.

Comments

[airporter.livejournal.com]

You want to accept it? Why? I've more gotten the impression from reading you these last few months that you want to cope with it whether it's better or worse. Coping and acceptance are NOT the same thing.

You are coping. I'd say admirably, even.

Next time I actually see you, bet that number 1 hug will be delivered, real time.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Because fighting it, and being angry about it, and being jealous of all those people who have something curable -- this is not sane by any stretch but I've been jealous of people with cancer because some of them get better -- is making me crazy. I need to avoid becoming bitter. I want a life where I can be happy.

O'course, maybe I have a weird definition of acceptance. To me it wouldn't mean giving up all hope. It would just mean not focusing on it any more.

Thank you for the compliment! I'm glad I'm coping well. And I will very gladly accept/return a big hug!

[airporter.livejournal.com]

You know, I think we're actually on the same fence, but sitting on different posts. :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I suspect so. I hope your post is comfy. ;-)

[airporter.livejournal.com]

I think I got the pointy one. Wanna switch?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Owie! :)