The mental/emotional side of owie feet

[cjsmith]

Surgery recovery has involved getting help from people in various ways. I, raised to be independent and fiercely self-reliant, am not comfortable on the receiving-help side of things. I'm not necessarily good at receiving help gracefully, I'm not happy knowing I need (or would be far better off with) it, and I'm not skilled at negotiating how best to meet my needs *and* those of my helper.

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood. I'm simultaneously trying to remain within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior (eg don't take over the whole conversation at lunch) while basking in this listening that others are giving me like a gift. I wonder what it would be like to have that need/desire of mine fully met? How would I act once I'd gotten there? Would I listen more and listen better to others? Could be.

During this time I've been more comfortable doing unusual things in order to take care of myself a little. Foot aches? Fine, prop it right up there on the desk next to my keyboard. Tired? Go ahead and put my head down on my arms for a few breaths, even at work during working hours. Why am I less willing to do these things when I haven't had foot surgery recently? There's nothing wrong with them. Customers don't walk past my desk. There are no rules about posture for the engineer types while we're in our little dens.

Interesting.

Comments

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

I recently read that folks with health issues are actually in better "overall" health because they tend to take better care of themselves.

Keep it up.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That would make some sense. They have had practice at taking care of themselves.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Maybe the lesson in all this is that you deserve to be cherished?

I'm glad you're taking such good care of yourself.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Could be. I am definitely rusty at this help thing. Hey, along the lines of the listening thing, maybe I'd be a more generous person if I received help more, too. It's always intriguing to me to think "What would I be like if...?"

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

I'm one of the people least likely to ask for help, but I've discovered the satisfaction of doing so with those I trust the most, and how much of a giving it is to do so.

If that makes any sense at all? :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Indeed it does. If I am pleased to help another, then it stands to reason that someone who cares about me would sometimes like a chance to help me, too.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Exactly. *nod*

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

I think a lot of people fell in love with you about a year and a half ago because they saw what a good heart you have, then they got to know you, and want you to have a fabulous life.

(We're coming down thataway on Saturday. Please let us know if we can do anything for you, even just swing by for company, or run an errand. We'll be down in late afternoonish.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You're good at making me blush, y'know that? :-) Thank you.

I'll be doing a lot of LOUNGING AROUND on Saturday. I would enjoy either some company or a meal! Thanks! You've got my phone numbers, yes? (Or Joe does.)

[ericainohio.livejournal.com]

I'm out here and listening, CJ. And I'm always happy to do so. The listener recieves a "gift", too - in the form of being allowed to be part, even if a tiny part, of an admirable person's life. :-)

Kudos on taking care of yourself! Perfect!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aw, thank you! :-) I too feel that I receive a "gift" from the various other people on LJ. I get glimpses of lives I will never myself lead. I see a little of what it's like for those people, I see their virtues and strengths and challenges (all of which are often so different from my own), and it's interesting and enjoyable.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood.

I can see that. Being active in the past has been very important to you, and this surgery was a key component in your attempt to get back to that. The need to talk helps your (in my perception) need to understand and may serve as a stress vent to some degree. Speaking as a listener (that sounds weird), I'm glad you've shared what you have about the experience. I find that listening is easy when the person talking and/or the subject are something I care about.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes, there's a stress vent component too, you're very right.

And yeah -- I too find that listening to others is easy when I'm interested. In a journal we can blather as much as we like, which not only makes it a great place to vent but also lets other people self-select how much they're interested. In person, of course, there's a bit more of a balancing act to do. :-)

[eichin.livejournal.com]

I thought "propping one's feet up" (and collecting piles of coke cans) was a reasons software engineers *had* desks :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Definitely the Coke cans. Towers, structures, whole cities made of Coke cans.

I've always been more comfortable with my feet hooked behind the chair legs, but for now, I can do the prop-em-up-on-the-desk thing with the best of 'em. Helps to be very flexible. I can prop my foot on the desk and rest my elbows on it at the same time.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, gosh, I hate talking at lunch. We should have lunch together. :)

But, really, that's interesting. What do you find yourself talking about? Is it about health and recovery and things related to the surgery? Or is it just general conversation? Do you have any ideas why you suddenyl feel this need to be understood? If the answer is no, that's cool. :) I'm just curious.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Mostly I've been babbling about health and recovery and surgery stuff. I think this is such an adventure for me, such an unusual set of experiences, that I want everyone to know what it's like. Whether THEY want to know or not is an entirely separate question!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, that makes sense. You've been through an awful lot and it's basically life-altering. It's not surprising you're talking about it, if only to help process it all yourself. :)

Besides, a good storyteller never lets the desires of his or her audience get in the way. ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is indeed life-altering in its way. O'course, I'm learning that enough health issues (and the very natural desire to process them) will cost a person quite a few friends before they're done. Hopefully I'll get past the processing SOME time soon!

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Really? That's sad. I suppose in some small way it must be true, ongoing physical problems are hard for people to deal with. So, as much as I hate to admit it, in the grand scheme of things it probably costs you more friends than it gains you, between their feeling weird and your (general your, not your your) inability to participate in certain events. But, still, it sucks and I hope it's not very common. The friends that are still by your side are ones you know you can really count on, at least. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it isn't common for me yet; I've seen others go through worse. On the other hand I'm making new friends who understand, too... it's like entering a new subculture. Very odd.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

That is kind of odd. A subculture of people that understand physical limitations and conditions. That's not a bad thing, by any stretch of the imagination. But I wonder if it could become very limiting, if taken to an extreme. If your whole life became a circle of friends that shared only their medical problems.

Nah, never mind me. I think and talk too much. :)