The mental/emotional side of owie feet

[cjsmith]

Surgery recovery has involved getting help from people in various ways. I, raised to be independent and fiercely self-reliant, am not comfortable on the receiving-help side of things. I'm not necessarily good at receiving help gracefully, I'm not happy knowing I need (or would be far better off with) it, and I'm not skilled at negotiating how best to meet my needs *and* those of my helper.

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood. I'm simultaneously trying to remain within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior (eg don't take over the whole conversation at lunch) while basking in this listening that others are giving me like a gift. I wonder what it would be like to have that need/desire of mine fully met? How would I act once I'd gotten there? Would I listen more and listen better to others? Could be.

During this time I've been more comfortable doing unusual things in order to take care of myself a little. Foot aches? Fine, prop it right up there on the desk next to my keyboard. Tired? Go ahead and put my head down on my arms for a few breaths, even at work during working hours. Why am I less willing to do these things when I haven't had foot surgery recently? There's nothing wrong with them. Customers don't walk past my desk. There are no rules about posture for the engineer types while we're in our little dens.

Interesting.

Comments

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

I recently read that folks with health issues are actually in better "overall" health because they tend to take better care of themselves.

Keep it up.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Maybe the lesson in all this is that you deserve to be cherished?

I'm glad you're taking such good care of yourself.

[ericainohio.livejournal.com]

I'm out here and listening, CJ. And I'm always happy to do so. The listener recieves a "gift", too - in the form of being allowed to be part, even if a tiny part, of an admirable person's life. :-)

Kudos on taking care of yourself! Perfect!

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood.

I can see that. Being active in the past has been very important to you, and this surgery was a key component in your attempt to get back to that. The need to talk helps your (in my perception) need to understand and may serve as a stress vent to some degree. Speaking as a listener (that sounds weird), I'm glad you've shared what you have about the experience. I find that listening is easy when the person talking and/or the subject are something I care about.

[eichin.livejournal.com]

I thought "propping one's feet up" (and collecting piles of coke cans) was a reasons software engineers *had* desks :-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Well, gosh, I hate talking at lunch. We should have lunch together. :)

But, really, that's interesting. What do you find yourself talking about? Is it about health and recovery and things related to the surgery? Or is it just general conversation? Do you have any ideas why you suddenyl feel this need to be understood? If the answer is no, that's cool. :) I'm just curious.