The mental/emotional side of owie feet

[cjsmith]

Surgery recovery has involved getting help from people in various ways. I, raised to be independent and fiercely self-reliant, am not comfortable on the receiving-help side of things. I'm not necessarily good at receiving help gracefully, I'm not happy knowing I need (or would be far better off with) it, and I'm not skilled at negotiating how best to meet my needs *and* those of my helper.

Surgery recovery has involved me talking a helluva lot and other people listening a helluva lot. I seem to have a bottomless need/desire to be heard and understood. I'm simultaneously trying to remain within the bounds of socially acceptable behavior (eg don't take over the whole conversation at lunch) while basking in this listening that others are giving me like a gift. I wonder what it would be like to have that need/desire of mine fully met? How would I act once I'd gotten there? Would I listen more and listen better to others? Could be.

During this time I've been more comfortable doing unusual things in order to take care of myself a little. Foot aches? Fine, prop it right up there on the desk next to my keyboard. Tired? Go ahead and put my head down on my arms for a few breaths, even at work during working hours. Why am I less willing to do these things when I haven't had foot surgery recently? There's nothing wrong with them. Customers don't walk past my desk. There are no rules about posture for the engineer types while we're in our little dens.

Interesting.

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

I'm one of the people least likely to ask for help, but I've discovered the satisfaction of doing so with those I trust the most, and how much of a giving it is to do so.

If that makes any sense at all? :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Indeed it does. If I am pleased to help another, then it stands to reason that someone who cares about me would sometimes like a chance to help me, too.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Exactly. *nod*

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

I think a lot of people fell in love with you about a year and a half ago because they saw what a good heart you have, then they got to know you, and want you to have a fabulous life.

(We're coming down thataway on Saturday. Please let us know if we can do anything for you, even just swing by for company, or run an errand. We'll be down in late afternoonish.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You're good at making me blush, y'know that? :-) Thank you.

I'll be doing a lot of LOUNGING AROUND on Saturday. I would enjoy either some company or a meal! Thanks! You've got my phone numbers, yes? (Or Joe does.)