Everyone has a limit, and I have reached mine.

[cjsmith]

On my worst days, Vicodin feels like evidence that God doesn't actually hate me. Well, today even that's not enough.

I. Have. Had. It.

This life is not worth living. Not if there are any alternatives. I am calling the doctor TODAY and making an appointment to discuss fixing this, whatever it takes. Whether diagnosing the problem means several rounds of blood tests, or hormone balance panels, or exploratory surgery to rule out endometriosis, I'll do it. If fixing it means surgery to take all the relevant parts out, I'll sign the consent form. FIX IT. And in the meantime, I will bluntly inform my doctor that I WILL "misuse" my pills to avoid periods for the next couple of months while we start figuring this out. If he doesn't want to give me the kind of prescription that's meant to do that, I'll cobble something together on my own, thanks. I will no longer be at his mercy.

And if there isn't any fix, I want the best painkillers money can buy, regardless of what they will do to my body long-term. I no longer care. I have had enough.

[Later Edit: My appointment is the day after tomorrow.]

Comments

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

I hope you can find the help for your pain. I couldn't imagine living this way either. ((HUGS)) and let us know how you make out.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I'll certainly post either way. During the figuring-out I'll probably be alternately hopeful and crushed, and whatever solution we find will make me jubilant. I won't be able to keep my mouth shut! :-)

Hug Alan for me! And good luck with whatever you decide w.r.t. work tomorrow.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

Sorry you have been feeling so crappy. *hugs* I hope that you get down to the bottom of it and feel better soon. Take care.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! I sure hope there is a solution. I think part of the reason I went so long on just over-the-counter painkillers (albeit unsanctioned large doses) is that I was afraid to find out that there IS NO SOLUTION. Maybe there isn't. I guess I'll find out.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

Glad you have an appointment. I went through years of arguing with doctors about what I had before I finally found one who gave me a diagnosis and didn't just dismiss all my symptoms because my blood tests weren't textbook.

Are you seeing a specialist? Not necessarily an OB/GYN, because my GP and my GYN both blew me off. I had to go to a reproductive endocrinologist before I got any resolution or relief.

Good luck. And *hugs*. You shouldn't have to live in pain. Email box open if you need to vent, or want to chat about lovely doctors :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, my blood tests are textbook, which is a problem too - they show nothing wrong.

Not seeing a specialist yet. Will if I have to. What made you decide it was time to go there? Did your GP and/or your GYN recommend the specialist?

Thanks for the vent offer. I may very well take you up on it!

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

After my last ruptured ovarian cyst, my boss's wife told him to make me come see the doctor she work for. He's the one who diagnosed me. He's one of the top PCOS docs in the midwest, and I got lucky that I had a connection who told me about him. I'd really given up, and felt I didn't know where to turn to for help. I was going to argue with my GP again about it, I'm just glad I didn't have to.

Hang in there. I'm assuming you're doing the whole heating pad/painkiller thing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'm glad you got that recommendation when you did. I hate that feeling of "my doctor isn't fixing this, but I don't know what else to try".

Yep, big fistfuls of painkillers mainly, and attendant stomach woes. Really want a better solution. Am trying pretty hard not to get my hopes up too high, here, but... [fingers crossed]

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm pretty sure I've given you this info before, but in case I somehow missed doing so, here's some information about a clinic that might be able to help you (I'm pasting in a message I wrote to another friend, nearly verbatim):

Here's the info on the Helena Women's Health center in San Jose. I'll just transcribe the card so you have all the info.

A Specialty Center
Pelvic Pain * Endometriosis * Fibroids * Abnormal Bleeding * Infertility

O'Connor Medical Office Bldg.
2101 Forest Ave. Ste. 220
San Jose, CA 95128
408-999-7900 * 401-999-6980 FAX

www.helenahealth.com
www.pelvicpain.com

As I mentioned on the phone, my friend Anne has had spectacular results from her treatment there. She is more well than I have seen her in YEARS. The dietary changes have caused her to lose 40 lbs, have eliminated her developing poly-cystic ovarian disease, have cured the systemic candida problem she had, and have eliminated the depression that was a by-product of the serotonin problems (which of course is also related to diet). Her recent surgery for 4 hernias has eliminated the pelvic/vaginal pain she was having as well. They aren't "on" any health plans, but they will work with you to get the most possible money out of your insurance.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Whether you had or not, I'm glad you gave it to me again, because now I know I have it and can find it. Thanks! :-)

I've wondered about hernias. What was herniated, the intestine? How'd they find that?

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. Perhaps you should ask her directly. She's abenn. Tell her I sent you over; she's usually glad to talk to others about this clinic, as she credits them for saving her life. Be forewarned that she's going through some difficulties at the moment, so she might not answer right away.

*more hugs*

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

ceej, i'm so glad you're doing something about this!!! no one should have to suffer like this!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah. No one should have to, but some people do... there are lots of very painful things that can't be fixed (yet). If I had THIS MUCH pain every day, instead of one week out of four, I would probably have chosen to die by now. I know someone who did. (Migraines. Fifty-plus years. She'd had enough.) It's too bad, but what other choices are there?

So I'm seeing if I have better choices. It's foolish not to exhaust all possibilities.

[wcg.livejournal.com]

I'll be looking forward to reading about how the appointment goes, and hoping that it leads quickly to some kind of improvement for you. You've got a race to run, after all. (Not to mention all the other stuff I'm sure you'd like to be able to do.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thank you. (Yes, like SLEEP! Two nights in a row now. Cranky CJ!)

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, don't forget, if you have to get surgery for endomitriosis (ack spelling I'm sure), and they aren't doing a hysterectomy,... if you are planning on having zero (0) (null) (zilch) children, and you haven't already done so---you could always ask for the doctor to "tie your tubes" while she's in the neighborhood. (I suppose a male doctor could do it too.) Kill, uh, two birds with one stone as it were!

;)

[cassidyrose.livejournal.com]

I hope you get some relief soon. I know how incredibly frustrating it can be when your doc doesn't take you seriously/provide reasonable help.

Best wishes to you.

[redgrrl.livejournal.com]

Ceej, "misuse" your pills all you want. There is no special script to use them in this way. I'm on Ortho-Tricyclen (low dose) and I just skip the 7 sugar pills and go right on to the next month's pills. The only problem (for me) is that my insurance company does not cover use of the pill in this way, so I'd be short pills every 3 months -- my gyn is making up the difference with samples.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents.

Hugs, drugs, wine, cats, and whatever else makes you feel better! :)

-Wen