Everyone has a limit, and I have reached mine.

[cjsmith]

On my worst days, Vicodin feels like evidence that God doesn't actually hate me. Well, today even that's not enough.

I. Have. Had. It.

This life is not worth living. Not if there are any alternatives. I am calling the doctor TODAY and making an appointment to discuss fixing this, whatever it takes. Whether diagnosing the problem means several rounds of blood tests, or hormone balance panels, or exploratory surgery to rule out endometriosis, I'll do it. If fixing it means surgery to take all the relevant parts out, I'll sign the consent form. FIX IT. And in the meantime, I will bluntly inform my doctor that I WILL "misuse" my pills to avoid periods for the next couple of months while we start figuring this out. If he doesn't want to give me the kind of prescription that's meant to do that, I'll cobble something together on my own, thanks. I will no longer be at his mercy.

And if there isn't any fix, I want the best painkillers money can buy, regardless of what they will do to my body long-term. I no longer care. I have had enough.

[Later Edit: My appointment is the day after tomorrow.]

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I'm pretty sure I've given you this info before, but in case I somehow missed doing so, here's some information about a clinic that might be able to help you (I'm pasting in a message I wrote to another friend, nearly verbatim):

Here's the info on the Helena Women's Health center in San Jose. I'll just transcribe the card so you have all the info.

A Specialty Center
Pelvic Pain * Endometriosis * Fibroids * Abnormal Bleeding * Infertility

O'Connor Medical Office Bldg.
2101 Forest Ave. Ste. 220
San Jose, CA 95128
408-999-7900 * 401-999-6980 FAX

www.helenahealth.com
www.pelvicpain.com

As I mentioned on the phone, my friend Anne has had spectacular results from her treatment there. She is more well than I have seen her in YEARS. The dietary changes have caused her to lose 40 lbs, have eliminated her developing poly-cystic ovarian disease, have cured the systemic candida problem she had, and have eliminated the depression that was a by-product of the serotonin problems (which of course is also related to diet). Her recent surgery for 4 hernias has eliminated the pelvic/vaginal pain she was having as well. They aren't "on" any health plans, but they will work with you to get the most possible money out of your insurance.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Whether you had or not, I'm glad you gave it to me again, because now I know I have it and can find it. Thanks! :-)

I've wondered about hernias. What was herniated, the intestine? How'd they find that?

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure. Perhaps you should ask her directly. She's abenn. Tell her I sent you over; she's usually glad to talk to others about this clinic, as she credits them for saving her life. Be forewarned that she's going through some difficulties at the moment, so she might not answer right away.

*more hugs*