Everyone has a limit, and I have reached mine.

[cjsmith]

On my worst days, Vicodin feels like evidence that God doesn't actually hate me. Well, today even that's not enough.

I. Have. Had. It.

This life is not worth living. Not if there are any alternatives. I am calling the doctor TODAY and making an appointment to discuss fixing this, whatever it takes. Whether diagnosing the problem means several rounds of blood tests, or hormone balance panels, or exploratory surgery to rule out endometriosis, I'll do it. If fixing it means surgery to take all the relevant parts out, I'll sign the consent form. FIX IT. And in the meantime, I will bluntly inform my doctor that I WILL "misuse" my pills to avoid periods for the next couple of months while we start figuring this out. If he doesn't want to give me the kind of prescription that's meant to do that, I'll cobble something together on my own, thanks. I will no longer be at his mercy.

And if there isn't any fix, I want the best painkillers money can buy, regardless of what they will do to my body long-term. I no longer care. I have had enough.

[Later Edit: My appointment is the day after tomorrow.]

Comments

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

After my last ruptured ovarian cyst, my boss's wife told him to make me come see the doctor she work for. He's the one who diagnosed me. He's one of the top PCOS docs in the midwest, and I got lucky that I had a connection who told me about him. I'd really given up, and felt I didn't know where to turn to for help. I was going to argue with my GP again about it, I'm just glad I didn't have to.

Hang in there. I'm assuming you're doing the whole heating pad/painkiller thing.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, I'm glad you got that recommendation when you did. I hate that feeling of "my doctor isn't fixing this, but I don't know what else to try".

Yep, big fistfuls of painkillers mainly, and attendant stomach woes. Really want a better solution. Am trying pretty hard not to get my hopes up too high, here, but... [fingers crossed]