People who talk as if they know

[cjsmith]

I have a coworker who talks as if he is an authority -- full of confidence, very firm statements -- when he doesn't have any information or experience to back it up.

Random person: "Hey, where's a good dosa restaurant?"
Him: "Restaurant A is the best."
Me: "I like Restaurant B, too."
Him: "A is way better."
Me: "Have you ever been to Restaurant B?"

No, of course; he hadn't. I had to ask him twice before he admitted it, too. So he knows when he's doing this, and he doesn't like getting caught at it.

In another hallway conversation, just now, he spouted off about flying airplanes, a subject I have some minor experience with. Now that I know he doesn't like being confronted, I stopped myself short of asking outright if he had a pilot's license. (Obviously, I'm convinced he doesn't.) I did go ahead and mention what "my flight instructor" had "taught me" about the topic "when I was getting my license". He had the grace to stop making shit up for a few minutes.

How the heck do people deal with somebody like this? Dude, you're POLLUTING THE DATA STREAM. Shut UP. But maybe I'm oversensitive about people making things up and presenting them as truth. Maybe people are smarter than I think, and there isn't any increased tendency to believe a person just because he's confident and loud. (And maybe the Easter Bunny really is ten feet tall.)

Comments

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

The article was both great and depressing. Ug. I'll have to look for this more explicitly to see how much of my "I do have a brain" defensiveness is triggered by this sort of thing.

Now, on the what-to-do question, I mention for your consideration that it is possible to explain to such a person that you are starting to distrust their conclusions about things. I'm not recommending it. But it is a very real effect of this, right?

Big empathy on the effects on workplace life. I once worked with someone (and I'm not sure it is EXACTLY the same, but it seems related at least) who had a long record of drawing faulty and unsupported conclusions. In the discussion of most anything, he had a rather patronizing tone (or so it seemed to me). The real problem, however, was not HIM but that **other people believed him**. He had a (weird IMO) sort of reputation as a smart or technically-helpful guy. People treated him just like he acted. Me and my (female) coworker were both on to him, but --as you said-- the problem persisted when others were listening and taking his information as information rather than wild speculation. BTW I'm referring here to work-related things -- I didn't try to discuss news and personal matters with him -- it would feel too awful.

And then there is the issue of how do I adequately represent my level of knowing. Even when I'm trying to be accurate (which I generally am trying to do) -- um, sometimes it is darned challenging. "Oh I once did blah-blah-blah" works for accuracy and is likely to be ignored, especially if I leave some (very accurate and very logical) room for doubt. "such and such works" is a bit too confident in many cases. Or not, but my criteria may not match yours. It's maddening. I think sometimes I sort of "join your dude's team" and sound too sure, in an attempt at rebellion (against various authorities on everything). Trying to find some space in the world....

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You're absolutely right that one very real effect is that I now mistrust what he says. Of course, it's not exactly "starting" any more. :-) But I could, if I chose to broach the subject, phrase it as if it were.

Isn't it weird when a whole office seems to get under the spell of one of these numbskulls? Is it really that much easier for a woman to see through the snow job, and if so, is it because we get them aimed at us relentlessly throughout life and thus we develop detection skills in self-defense? Sadly, this picture seems all too plausible. I weep for the state of humanity. How much more we could accomplish if we weren't spending energy on our collective boneheadedness!

I too have trouble deciding how to present my level of certainty. Usually, I err on the side of caution -- the "at least I'm not being dishonest" approach -- and I routinely get ignored. I'm grateful that my current workplace seems to be a bit less prone to ignoring me. I don't know WHY, except perhaps that we have a surprising number of women for a techie startup, but I'm grateful that it happens.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

true, you are not "starting" to mistrust all he utters -- you're well into it. Anyway, I'm not sure that this is helpful to tell him anyway. But sometimes I've felt I *needed* to tell someone this -- like, um, to explain why I'm ignoring what they say...?

In the case of the guy I was citing, I think he treated others really differently -- there was some personality quirk in it somewhere -- like it was ATTRACTIVE to people to like him???? Or um, something??? He had some kind of energy-warp effect.

Maybe the problem with "how to present" is the whole thing just leads to being EVEN MORE detailed. Which, um, obviously, I already am (detailed) to a degree that can drive others batty. And then, if I take the "at least honest" approach, I'm not always doing justice to the ideas I'm presenting -- but to present them (without exaggeration, or generalizing) means mega-detail. Or else I'm missing some accurate-and-true-to-both-sides option that is also SHORT ??