Acceptance vs. wallowing

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm very unhappy about something and I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it except come to some kind of acceptance. (People who have never had a problem outside your power to solve, stop reading now; save your innocence.)

I don't know how to accept something I loathe except to face it over and over and over. Otherwise, I go into denial, not useful long-term. So I keep repeating the unpleasant truth to myself until it doesn't hurt any more. I analyze. I try to find loopholes. I want to know just where the boundaries are. I want to know how bad it is, and I want to face that.

I wallow in it. If I don't, I keep getting unpleasantly surprised when it slaps me in the face.

So far there are not many things in my life that are bad enough that this technique doesn't work. But there are a couple... and it isn't working... and it's been years.

I am quite tired of being unhappy about this crap. If wallowing isn't going to work I can sure be happier day-to-day if I ditch it. Any other techniques??

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

See, that's what I am wondering about -- will wallowing lead to acceptance in my case? It's been a while; am I wallowing too long? Hard to say. At least I'm thinking about it, which will probably stop me from turning into a gibbering madwoman with a permanent neon POOR ME sign. I hope. :-)

I refused to use a cane for years because I felt that at 38 I was "too young" and "shouldn't" need a cane. I insisted I could do everything I wanted to do, even if it meant living in the recliner for the next three days recuperating.

Oh glory do I know the feeling, both of those. *hug hug hug*.

Face the misery. Don't push it away. Sit there and concentrate on it. Acceptance still takes time ... but keep working on it. You'll get there.

Thanks. :) I need to concentrate on the FACT and let the misery, eventually, fade away from it, leaving just the fact. Only then can I make the best decisions about what to do, unclouded by denial-bravado or anger-rebelliousness or whatever.

Time... sigh!! Patience was NOT one of the cards I was dealt! :-)