Acceptance vs. wallowing

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm very unhappy about something and I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it except come to some kind of acceptance. (People who have never had a problem outside your power to solve, stop reading now; save your innocence.)

I don't know how to accept something I loathe except to face it over and over and over. Otherwise, I go into denial, not useful long-term. So I keep repeating the unpleasant truth to myself until it doesn't hurt any more. I analyze. I try to find loopholes. I want to know just where the boundaries are. I want to know how bad it is, and I want to face that.

I wallow in it. If I don't, I keep getting unpleasantly surprised when it slaps me in the face.

So far there are not many things in my life that are bad enough that this technique doesn't work. But there are a couple... and it isn't working... and it's been years.

I am quite tired of being unhappy about this crap. If wallowing isn't going to work I can sure be happier day-to-day if I ditch it. Any other techniques??

Comments

Re: Perspective

[jb98.livejournal.com]

Focusing on the negative, tends to make us fairly miserable. I've done it a lot myself.

Amen, sister! Another way to say this is that whatever we put our attention on grows. If I put my attention on the negative, the negativity grows. If I focus on the positive, the positivity grows. I've been practicing this for about 6 months now and the difference in perspective that has resulted is amazing.

The key for me is to stay in the "now". I celebrate all the healthful feelings that are occuring in my body right now. Even if they only last a second, just for right now, I celebrate it with gratitude. At any given moment, something has to feel good and be working well. I mentally praise my body parts for feeling good and thank them for serving me. After a while, it becomes a habit and everything shifts.

The more spiritually minded might consider reading The Power of Now (http://www.amazon.com/Power-Now-Guide-Spiritual-Enlightenment/dp/1577311523) by Eckhart Tolle.

Re: Perspective

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I guess my question then would become where the boundary lies between "focusing on the positive" and going into denial. Perhaps it's a fuzzy boundary and there are several clues. If the negative thing crops up and I say "oh that again" instead of "HUH??" then probably I'm not in denial.

Maybe Tolle discusses the difference between positive thinking and denying reality. I think I still have that book.