Acceptance vs. wallowing

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm very unhappy about something and I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it except come to some kind of acceptance. (People who have never had a problem outside your power to solve, stop reading now; save your innocence.)

I don't know how to accept something I loathe except to face it over and over and over. Otherwise, I go into denial, not useful long-term. So I keep repeating the unpleasant truth to myself until it doesn't hurt any more. I analyze. I try to find loopholes. I want to know just where the boundaries are. I want to know how bad it is, and I want to face that.

I wallow in it. If I don't, I keep getting unpleasantly surprised when it slaps me in the face.

So far there are not many things in my life that are bad enough that this technique doesn't work. But there are a couple... and it isn't working... and it's been years.

I am quite tired of being unhappy about this crap. If wallowing isn't going to work I can sure be happier day-to-day if I ditch it. Any other techniques??

Comments

Re: Perspective

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I realized when replying to wooddragon below that part of the reason I keep poking at Bad Stuff in my mind is I don't truly know the extent of it, the limitations, my best choices from here. With the feet or with other stuff. So I think I will have to poke at it until I get a sense of the landscape.

And then... I bet you are absolutely right that I have to be deliberate in changing my focus. That has got to help.

Thanks!