A Modest Proposal

[cjsmith]

Today's pet peeve: Drivers who are in the wrong lane.

Okay, there's nothing particularly wrong with being in a lane inconsistent with where you want to be headed -- unless you inconvenience large numbers of people around you in order to get where you're going despite your spaciness. Drivers who stop and park in lane number two just because lane number one is about to take a popular exit and they didn't feel like waiting their turn in line... those drivers are a peeve of mine. Drivers who then halt lane number THREE because they can't wedge into number two because someone else already stopped that one and hey, they need this popular exit... THOSE drivers get referred for special training.

If I were Lord High Ruler of the Universe, I would sentence each of these drivers to a period of time driving in Boston. There, they would be cured. It wouldn't be quick or easy or pleasant, but they would clue in.

Insight number one would occur to them the first time they were in the wrong lane. Picture a rainy chilly day, when our intrepid driver is running late, and suddenly the road is splitting and the lane he's in is going to New Hampshire. It's going there RIGHT NOW. Insight number one: "I'm in the wrong lane!"

Insight number two would follow hard on the heels of insight number one. Boston drivers do not let people cut them off just because the potential-cut-off-er was napping and got himself into trouble. Our intrepid driver would wind up in New Hampshire thank you very much. Insight number two: "Boston drivers do not automatically reward bad behavior!" (Well, it would be phrased differently the first time.) The trek back from New Hampshire would hopefully reinforce insight number one.

Several repetitions of this would strengthen insight number two. It would probably piss him off a bit, too. Now our intrepid driver is ready for the real lesson: how to be in the correct lane. Remember again the choice of venue. If he can reliably be in the correct lane in Boston, he'll really be ready to share the road with other aware drivers! He'll have to read the signs -- ALL the signs, because Boston doesn't give you any extra. He'll learn to familiarize himself with particularly confusing areas BEFORE attempting them at high speed when running late. He'll learn how to recover from small goofs. He'll develop that sixth sense that takes in cues about lane width, number of potholes, sharpness of curves, percentage of taxis, etc and determines whether he'd better pay a little extra attention on this stretch. In short, he'll wake up.

He might even stop rewarding bad behavior.

Then I'd allow him to come back to California. After all, it's getting lonely here, and Boston's been very crowded lately.

Comments

[joedecker.livejournal.com]

That's great, as a California native I'm all for it. Have you thought about writing for dot_cattiness?, (http://www.livejournal.com/userinfo.bml?user=dot_cattiness) RJ's community for unrepentant, preferably literate flamage (and, in theory, no-holds-barred return barrages.)? It's still getting up to speed, and could use posts of this caliber!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks for pointing me to dot_cattiness! I have belatedly gone to take a look, and so far it looks great. One more for the friends list. :)

[lesliepear.livejournal.com]

I lived in/around Boston for 10 years, 6 of them with a license. Some of those roads aren't fun - and of course there was the ever popular use the shoulder during rush hours as a regular lane - which made some people think you could do that ALL the time on ANY road.

And it always seemed no matter how bad the traffic was anywhere else in Boston, they would mention the SOUTHEAST Expressway first on the traffic reports.

Thanks for the memories :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the memories :)

(grin)

I learned to drive in Boston. It still shows in my attitude. :-)

[oddhack.livejournal.com]

I swore that I'd never drive in Boston again after my first, disastrous experience there (climaxing by being sideswiped by an aggressive motorcycle driver when I was stopped in a parking lot!) Bostonians hate outsiders, as well. Even the West Newton police refused to give me directions.

New Zealand was interesting. They don't believe in placing signs well in advance of decision points there - signs describing exits from roundabouts (of which there are many) are placed, oh, about 10 metres from entry to the roundabout. OTOH at least you can stay in a roundabout until you figure it out, and traffic there is so low that it's not particularly stressful to make mistakes.

[elflet.livejournal.com]

Drivers who stop and park in lane number two just because lane number one is about to take a popular exit and they didn't feel like waiting their turn in line

There's the reason why the "treatment" wouldn't work. All the drivers would learn is they couldn't do that in Boston. brin 'em back to california, where they can get away with being rude and impatient, and it'd start up all over again.

You have to take away the reward for the bad behavior. The one time I saw this work was at a popular (and highly abused) on-ramp in Saratoga. The CHP posted 4 officers there for 2 weeks of rush hour, and cited anybody doing nasty things like blocking the intersection or forcibly wedging themselves into a lane. The drivers cleaned up their act and it's remained that way half a year later.

Though, I have to admit your way sounds like a whole lot more (sadistic) fun!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

You have to take away the reward for the bad behavior.

Agreed completely. Right out of Management 101! There are days when I wonder why more citizens of this planet don't clue in on this principle.

OK, the rewarders get to go to Boston too, how's that? 8-)

Made my day

[chiefted]

Well first *hugs* and I still can't stop laughing.

If I were Lord High Ruler of the Universe, I would sentence each of these drivers to a period of time driving in Boston. There, they would be cured. It wouldn't be quick or easy or pleasant, but they would clue in

Ok if this would be the sentence then the level (IMHO) would be

First Time offenders: The Mass Pike, South East Distressway merge (just before the tunnel) or Thurbers Ave Curb in R.I. (small state plug there) Note: the Thurbers Ave curve is on 95 and it banks the opposite of the curve (so it banks left on a right curve) and most DON'T slow down to go around it. Posted speed limit here is 55 if your doing less than 70 you get run over

Second Time offenders: Causeway Street just outside the Gahden (my best RI accent coming out), after a Bruins Game, on a Friday night

Third Time offenders: The 93/3 split (yes send them to New Hampshire a couple of times. (on a Friday when everyone is going skiing)

Forth and subsequant times: Two words "Storrow Drive" (in the rain, on a Friday, behind the idiot truck drive who has wedge an 18 wheeler IN the tunnel near Mass General(?))

T
P.S. I still have my "Boston Drivers Handbook" (tounge and cheek, very funny book on how to drive in Boston)

Re: Made my day

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I love it!!

And I too still have my copy of the "Boston Drivers' Handbook". My favorite passage was the explanation of how it is impossible to get a moving violation in Boston...