A Modest Proposal

[cjsmith]

Today's pet peeve: Drivers who are in the wrong lane.

Okay, there's nothing particularly wrong with being in a lane inconsistent with where you want to be headed -- unless you inconvenience large numbers of people around you in order to get where you're going despite your spaciness. Drivers who stop and park in lane number two just because lane number one is about to take a popular exit and they didn't feel like waiting their turn in line... those drivers are a peeve of mine. Drivers who then halt lane number THREE because they can't wedge into number two because someone else already stopped that one and hey, they need this popular exit... THOSE drivers get referred for special training.

If I were Lord High Ruler of the Universe, I would sentence each of these drivers to a period of time driving in Boston. There, they would be cured. It wouldn't be quick or easy or pleasant, but they would clue in.

Insight number one would occur to them the first time they were in the wrong lane. Picture a rainy chilly day, when our intrepid driver is running late, and suddenly the road is splitting and the lane he's in is going to New Hampshire. It's going there RIGHT NOW. Insight number one: "I'm in the wrong lane!"

Insight number two would follow hard on the heels of insight number one. Boston drivers do not let people cut them off just because the potential-cut-off-er was napping and got himself into trouble. Our intrepid driver would wind up in New Hampshire thank you very much. Insight number two: "Boston drivers do not automatically reward bad behavior!" (Well, it would be phrased differently the first time.) The trek back from New Hampshire would hopefully reinforce insight number one.

Several repetitions of this would strengthen insight number two. It would probably piss him off a bit, too. Now our intrepid driver is ready for the real lesson: how to be in the correct lane. Remember again the choice of venue. If he can reliably be in the correct lane in Boston, he'll really be ready to share the road with other aware drivers! He'll have to read the signs -- ALL the signs, because Boston doesn't give you any extra. He'll learn to familiarize himself with particularly confusing areas BEFORE attempting them at high speed when running late. He'll learn how to recover from small goofs. He'll develop that sixth sense that takes in cues about lane width, number of potholes, sharpness of curves, percentage of taxis, etc and determines whether he'd better pay a little extra attention on this stretch. In short, he'll wake up.

He might even stop rewarding bad behavior.

Then I'd allow him to come back to California. After all, it's getting lonely here, and Boston's been very crowded lately.

Comments

[oddhack.livejournal.com]

I swore that I'd never drive in Boston again after my first, disastrous experience there (climaxing by being sideswiped by an aggressive motorcycle driver when I was stopped in a parking lot!) Bostonians hate outsiders, as well. Even the West Newton police refused to give me directions.

New Zealand was interesting. They don't believe in placing signs well in advance of decision points there - signs describing exits from roundabouts (of which there are many) are placed, oh, about 10 metres from entry to the roundabout. OTOH at least you can stay in a roundabout until you figure it out, and traffic there is so low that it's not particularly stressful to make mistakes.