In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I don't even go back to things happening in Oakland or Berkeley at night. I drive to work, I drive home, I'm Done. This frustrated Joe immensely. I do like to see him, but driving takes energy that I'd rather use for socializing. If I drive somewhere an hour away, stay for an hour, then drive home, I've used three hours of energy for an hour of socialization. (It's about gas-energy a little, but more, it's about energy, spoons, stamina, oomph.)

Driving for an hour, socializing for five, and driving for an hour? That's seven hours in a row, which I simply can't guarantee having.

Anyway: So I get it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

If I drive somewhere an hour away, stay for an hour, then drive home, I've used three hours of energy for an hour of socialization. (It's about gas-energy a little, but more, it's about energy, spoons, stamina, oomph.)

Amen.

When I say I need local friends, "local" means south bay. Sadly.