In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[oddhack.livejournal.com]

I don't know about the general problem. But as regards dancing specifically, I've never found it to be a great place to make friends. It constitutes about 90% of my social contact and I am sociable with a lot of dancers - but the contact is largely superficial and built around the shared activity, not around our relationship to each other as individuals.

Not really surprising. Interest in dance is not IME a predictor of, well, anything else about someone's personality. Other than being able to keep time and stay reasonably clean, so people are willing to dance with you :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I agree about dancing. I even seem to recall we've mentioned this effect before. (Ah yes -- people are willing to dance with me, therefore I probably don't smell bad in person! Had forgotten that bit of info! [grin])