In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That is a difficult thing about moves. :-( I would probably have a thriving social life if I hadn't left the community of friends I had from university. But I left, and the new place didn't have a built-in crucible where people were forced to get to know each other. School was good for that!

[mountainkitten.livejournal.com]

about the only local friends I have these days are people thru John's work. and those are few and far between. I have made friends with the nurse who gives me my shot every week (allergy shot) .... I started making friends with the manager in our complex... but she drives me completely nuts with the telling stuff about other tenants that makes me wonder what she's telling about me. I miss my knoxville friends. I so want a local friend to go to lunch with every once and a while and just chat about life and whats going on. I used to hang out int he apt office in Knoxville for hours on end chatting. I have gone back a couple of times since then to visit them, but its not enough. If John didn't have a great job here, we'd be looking for a new job there I think.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

People who gossip a lot make me uneasy, too. I make sure to share with them only the things I am happy to let the whole world know... and that sort of dilutes the friendship, if that makes any sense.

How far are you from Knoxville? Too far to take an afternoon off to visit with those friends you miss -- maybe once a month or so?

[mountainkitten.livejournal.com]

Knoxville is a 6 hour drive easy way... so definitely too far for an afternoon visit.. when I go I stay at least 2 nights, sometimes more. Lastime I stayed 4 nights. It was great and I need to do that again. (its the other side of the state from us basicaly) Maybe in Jan I can do that. :)

yeah... that's my thing... I'm uneasy sharing things with her... though I'm pretty free with stuff about me and may family... I'd rather tell who I want to tell and know about it.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Ooo, yeah, six hours is quite a ways! I hope you get to go there again soon.

[mountainkitten.livejournal.com]

thanks! next month I'll get to enjoy visiting with family... John and I are going to go visit my sisters in NC for a couple days and then to Baltimore to visit my dad and stepmom. :) that should be nice... one of my sisters has a new baby. and the others baby I haven't seen since he was hours old... he's now almost 15 months old. :) And this will be the first time ever we've gotten to go visit my dad and stepmom when my niece wasn't there. (she lived with them until June this year) small things make me happy.

[mountainkitten.livejournal.com]

oh yeah... It'd be great if I could find an online community of people like I've seen in the bay area here on LJ, that are local for me. okay... maybe I've complained enough about it. LOL... I guess I didn't realize how much I missed visiting with friends face to face until my trip to SF this month.