In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I think hosting some events at your place is probably a good plan. I know we're looking for South Bay venues for our workshops (hosts get in free--well, except for the blood, sweat and tears of hosting, of course!). Or you could host another discussion group, or social of some sort (crafting, perhaps?). There's plenty of room on the calendar.

If halfway between is really "the middle of the Dumbarton," then perhaps we need to alternate between just this side, and just that side. :^) So that's, like, Fremont and... Palo Alto? I know some decent places in Fremont, and I know there are good places in PA too. And yeah, the time to travel is gonna be the limiting factor. For all I'm a "SAHM," I am NOT bored and looking for things to fill up my time! *rueful laugh*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'll have to think about what stuff I'd (er, we'd, better check with Rob) enjoy hosting. We do have a comfortable space for casual gatherings.

And yeah, the time to travel is gonna be the limiting factor. For all I'm a "SAHM," I am NOT bored and looking for things to fill up my time!

Absolutely! And neither am I -- people *notice* when I'm gone from work for an hour, and if we're eating in Fremont the travel time alone fills up that time.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

What, you think Rob ought to have a say on what goes on his own house, and might object if he were suddenly and without notice overrun by a passel of women bearing knitting needles?? Pshaw. ;^) Seriously, I hope you and he can agree on something you'd both enjoy hosting, whether a single-shot or something ongoing. I think it could be nice for you to have people come to you for a change!

And regarding travel time: When I first mentioned it, I was in a time warp back to before you were employed again. Oops! Given your job and my greater flexibility, we definitely can't meet up here except in the most unusual of circumstances. But I'm sure we can find some time in here somewhere. *checks pockets for stray seconds*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Rob will definitely make it clear to me if I transgress. You should hear what he had to say about a party involving... I simply cannot convey the tone of abject horror... MELTED CHEESE. I think we had to put his nose in the Intensive Care Unit. ;-) ;-)

Yeah, I gots a job thingy. But just 'cause you don't work in an office doesn't mean you don't gots a job thingy TOO. We'll need to be careful to respect both sets of time commitments.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Wait. But he was one of the people at the original Poly Stew, that involved lots of Melted Cheese! Did he come late?

And I think that meeting "in the middle" is going to be where it's at. So let's figure out where that is, and start investigating restaurants in the area. :^)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

No, he stayed outside and probably upwind. He really does hate the smell of melted cheese!

Yeah, middle. Tomorrow... sleep beckons :)