In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Well yeah like that. Not to say that anything's wrong with you (or me) but I suppose for me, those things that could annoy local people and not want them to want to hang out with me might only be obvious if you know me well, and if you only knew me long distance you might not know about and think I'm a mostly groovy guy...

...and were I to post such a post, I'd probably get a lot more people saying "Neah, you're a fucker" so... heh... unless I'm mistaken you've got a LOT of friends, local and long distance so I wouldn't be worried about it..

Oh, speaking of which.. doing anything in December? I might be up that way for a time.. not sure exactly when. :) Might want to beg/borrow Mr. French's CFI services (of which I'd pay of course).. Dunno if I'd even be up there long enough to get recertified but it might be nice to get into the air again. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

those things that could annoy local people and not want them to want to hang out with me ... if you only knew me long distance you might not know about [them].

Yeah, exactly.

And I'm not getting a lot of "You're a fucker" but I'm getting a bit of "Drive an hour!" Clearly that's [one of] my biggest problem[s]. Good to know.

doing anything in December?

We haven't finalized Obligatory Winter Holiday Plans, but other than that, no. We'll be around in early December. Holler toward rfrench if you want time on his schedule -- he sometimes winds up booking pretty fast. :-)

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but look at it this way... and I know this'll sound, well, intentionally self-serving?, but if people didn't like ya, they wouldn't suggest it. On the other hand, why couldn't people drive the hour to where you are? Of course... and I wouldn't seriously suggest this... but you could always have a party at your place, or near your place, and everyone would HAVE to come to your part of town! >;-)


There is, of course, the other positive of having out of town friends.. at least if they happen to be "in town" going the extra mile, or hour, usually won't kill 'em. :) I know, spoken as an outta towner, huh?

I once dated someone *sigh* who lived 60 miles away, on the other side (east) of Los Angeles. Tried to do a Friday night drive, a few times, in the car it was guaranteed 2 hours no matter what direction I went. On the motorcycle it was still hellacious even with carpool lanes and lanesplitting... gack. Would never do THAT again! Then again I guess it'd just depend on who I was dating, hmmm?



Sixty miles not-through-traffic is still quite a distance though...

But anyway yeah I'll have to hollar rfrench's way.. I doubt it's going to be during the time between X-mas and New Years.. so..

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I may have to invite people to my place a lot. :-)

Sixty miles through LA traffic = yeow! :-O

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, but then ya gotta clean up and such... Once our roommate leaves we might invite more people over.. then again who knows. ;)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

True enough! But that can also be seen as an advantage: it's a good reason to clean up. ;-)

[dieppe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it is.. on the other hand sometimes you just don't wanna clean up and stay home in peace and quiet.. so it's not all it's cracked up to be. :)