In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I wish you lived closer too! I'd be pestering you to move up here, if you hadn't already made it very clear that you are committed to staying in LA.

(almost typo: "staying in LJ.")

Long distance friends can be cool -- don't discount 'em! ;) Invite 'em to visit more often! Yeah, that's it! ;)

YOU! VISIT MORE OFTEN! Um, I mean, it sure would be great if you were to visit more often, and I'd enjoy seeing you. That's how I'm supposed to say it, right? :-)

Yes, I like the meeting in the middle. That would already mean increasing my driving limits, of course; I'm quite simply on the wrong end of the bay for nearly everybody. But I'm sure I could think up events that could happen a half hour from me/them. Just requires some thought and some planning.

[rampling.livejournal.com]

'K, after my India trip, I'll make plans to visit. Definitely. Love to visit more often! Will do!

"staying in LJ" -- hee hee hee! Sometimes I feel that's too true! ;O

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Excellent! (and yeah, too true. Just look at all the time I've spent today, chatting on this thread! Amazing!)

[rampling.livejournal.com]

Wow, I saw all the replies and little dialogues! Quite impressive and amazing!

Actually I feel that LJ enhances my social life rather than acting as a replacement. Though I know I work at keeping it that way. And it looks like your investment in LJ today may well pay off in increased social life for you! That rocks!

I feel lots more connected with Bay Area folks (like you!) than I would without LJ, and without LJ I would never have met wcg or hitchhiker! I wouldn't have gotten to be a part of scooting or organized my own gift basket thing (http://www.livejournal.com/users/rampling/21008.html) for cassidyrose and catzen. And LJ lets me stay in touch with people who I'd lose touch with -- and helps remind me to visit some of them in person!

I use LJ to find and interact with cool people. Some become in-person friends (or more) too! Still looking for some new cool folks in LA.... Of course, finding people on LJ doesn't conveniently sort for geographical convenience -- hence hitchhiker. OTOH, I've gotta admit that that's turned out to be extremely cool in its own way, of course!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

LJ definitely lets me stay in touch with people I'd otherwise drift away from -- partially *because* it doesn't sort for geographical convenience, of course. :-) And I think it's WAY cool that you met hitchhiker through LJ! That is excellent!