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There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.
Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.
Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?
Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!
I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.
What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?
Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.
Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?
Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!
I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.
What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?
no subject
It's possible that what I want most is to understand how I am contributing to this pattern. If I could boil it down, say, to "CJ doesn't like to drive more than 20 minutes to hang out with a friend, and all her 'local' friends are farther than that," then I would have a simple decision. I could decide to meet more people in my neighborhood, relax my driving restriction, or accept that those are my priorities.
I will also get better at socializing with people now that square dancing is dying for me. It will happen naturally as I have free time and a desire to be with people.
no subject
Yes, I meant to point that out -- you were not pushing people away, but you were filling quite a bit of your life with dance. Now that you're not doing that any more, other things will come in to fill the vacuum. Probably wise to think about what you want to invite. :-)
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