In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, maybe face-to-face time is overrated and I can be okay with a not-very-strong local social life. I also agree that politics rears its ugly head. I do not always tread the local bay area party line, and that line is defended with such vitriol that it's easier to shut up and stay in the closet home.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

I don't tow any particular party line at all, never have, and that's why I think it's so easy for me to stay closeted about a lot of my opinions - I'm used to doing it. It's what makes me a bit shy when first getting to know people, and can be perceived as you pointed out as being aloof or in my case, disinterested or lacking passion.

Similar to the reactions surrounding your surgery, when I talked about going back to school, almost all of my support has come from distant (physically) friends. Two of my longest-running local friends still haven't replied to my e-mail about it from several weeks ago.

And, BTW, if you need interaction, especially while Rob's gone, you can come visit us. ;-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yes, I am probably seen as shy, too. Add that to the actual shyness I really have, and it probably makes a difference. :-)

I wish it were quick to come visit you! You and Toni are some of the folk I really wish were closer, so I could just plain hang out with you.

I think we also open up more easily on LJ. I can say, in a LJ post, "it hurts to let go of square dancing". Did I say it in person to my square dance group? No. And then I wonder why I don't feel close to them or vice versa.

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

Well, the invitation is open for whenever (although I might have to go to class ;-)).

I think we also open up more easily on LJ.

I agree, but I think over time it has also helped me do so IRL when necessary. That and my managerial experience, probably.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I hope that I too will open up a bit more in real life because of my time here on LJ. I won't ever be an open book, but a *little* less closed would be fine. :-)