In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

I've gone through this same mental process. I moved out here to Kansas City 4 years ago, and I still don't have any real friends here. I might go to a bar after work once in awhile, but nobody I really make plans with. Oddly, I can think of four people off the top of my head that I know from LJ and mentally consider people I would be willing to hang out with who actually live in Kansas City. I've just never done it. :) So I think laziness is a large part of it, or possibly fear of real life not measuring up to the way I/they seem online.

For whatever it's worth, I think you are a cool person. If I ever got out to... um, there... I would definitely be interested in having lunch or something with you. You seem interesting. Beyond that, I don't know and I of course can't comment on how much you smell. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I think there's a lot to be said for the disruption of moving. I moved here more than a decade ago, but I had e-mail and could keep in contact with my old friends for quite a while. I made new friends more slowly because of that.

Definitely laziness is another factor. (And/or that fear of not measuring up to whatever my online persona seems to be.) Counting only people within a twenty minute drive, I can still think of a handful of LJ friends I'd be happy to hang out with more. But I don't invite. Then I get surprised when I'm by myself! Hello. ;-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Yeah, the ease of keeping in contact with old friends is definitely part of it. I still consider the people in Philadelphia to be my closest friends, despite only seeing them once a year. But it's comfortable, somehow. So I don't feel the need to take a chance. I need to do something about that! :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*nod* At least it's something we can think about now that we see it happening.

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

True enough. I think being aware of it will probably help.

So, want to be friends?? :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Sure! O'course, we're already LJ-friends, and we're not local, so I think we've got this one done for now. :-)

[jupiter29.livejournal.com]

Oh well, small steps. :)