In-person friends

[cjsmith]

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

Comments

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

That's a good question, but if you'd like to come over for dinner, aiglet and I would be happy to have you. :-)

(We often feel quite disconnected from the social goings-on in the greater Bay Area, perhaps for reasons similar to yours. I'll have to muse on that a little bit.)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, I had no idea you were local to the Bay Area. Are you N, E, S, SF, Peninsula...?

And thank you very much! I'm not sure what to say to a dinner invitation from someone I've never met! (See, is this me pushing people away? Maybe I do that. Maybe a lot.)

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

aiglet and I are in north Berkeley, about three blocks from Kensington.

I'm sure hopeforyou et al can vouch for my general sanity, but I can understand the oddness of the random dinner invitation. We've both been trying to be more social of late. :)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I've never heard of Kensington. OK, tally up another person I know who's an hour away from me. :-) Rob and I have been trying to be more social of late as well, so how 'bout I reciprocate that random dinner invitation (with the understanding that I'll bring in premade food from somewhere -- I wouldn't subject anyone to my cooking!) :-)

[gdmusumeci.livejournal.com]

Kensington is ... a tiny little weird town, sort of north of Berkeley and east of Albany. As far as dinner goes, I quite enjoy cooking, and I'm sure yours isn't so bad. :-)

And now, we reach the horrible point: scheduling. Perhaps best done in e-mail? I am Golf Delta Mike at Papa Delta Tango India dot November Echo Tango. (Sorry, am trying to avoid the evil spam-harvesting robots.)

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I doubt you need to apologise for that. She *gets* it. =)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

OK, I will send you an e-mail! This week I am likely to get distracted -- about to leave for a trip east -- but if I flake, pinging me again early next week will work perfectly.

If you like fondue I am apparently a great cook. If you like scrumptious Indian food I'm a great go-fetch-er. :-)

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

Where East??

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Massachusetts (you can tell I grew up there because I can spell it), first to see my parents (Thursday dinner) and then to attend my last square dance (Friday through Monday, somewhere in the western half of the state). Are you somewhere East?

[perfect-autumn.livejournal.com]

Pa for now, soon NC

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Cool! I lived in NC for a very short while (Ft Bragg).

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

ps: I laughed out loud at the phonetic alphabet. Yay for geekery getting around automated rudeness! :-)

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

He jumps out of airplanes high up in the sky. He's TOTALLY FREAKING NUTS!


But he's a good person. And a great cook. So I'd take him up on his offer sometime... that, and if you like Limoncello... I think I left some in the bottle.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Bwahahaha! Well, I make airplanes go upside down, so maybe we're somewhat-compatibly nuts. :-)