Memories of a person

[cjsmith]

All right, gals, raise your hands: how many of you got to read something like Growing Up and Liking It at or near puberty? (Link courtesy amywithani, who succinctly describes this thing as "creepy".) In this one, three girls close to menarche discuss puberty and menstruation with each other by writing letters.

I was given this very booklet. I remember to this day that each girl had her own font, and I had a vague memory that they all had different background colors too. I remembered very little of the wording (and that's probably for the best).

I read it before the move to Natick, making me very close to nine years old. My folks signed on the Natick house on my ninth birthday. I might have been eight still, but not by much.

Nine. Yup. As I recall, my mother at age eleven hadn't been told what would happen, and she was terrified when she saw blood, so she was determined that wouldn't be the way it was for her daughters. So, nine. Or maybe eight. She explained where babies came from, too. I suppose I was a well-educated nine-year-old. (Guys my father's age were already hitting on me, so I suppose in retrospect that it was a good thing I had a bit of clue.)

Oddly enough, even with all these flowery descriptions and warnings, for me puberty wasn't terrifying to look forward to. I understood the birds and the bees and was firm in my conviction that I would "never do that" -- and my mother, bless her heart, didn't let slip that I might not have a choice. I knew there'd be blood, and that everyone said it was okay, so I naively assumed that it would in fact be okay. No one anywhere admitted that it would hurt. So looking forward to it wasn't bad. I just assumed puberty wouldn't affect me. After all, even at age nine, I already knew I wasn't a girl, I was a person.

O'course, once it hit, it was truly awfully bad. And the denial about the pain continued -- even after it DID hurt, and I SAID so, no one would admit that there was any possibility I might be right. And it wasn't long before I figured out that in many ways I wasn't a person after all, no, not if I was a girl. (The guys my father's age helped out a lot in opening my eyes here. But then again, so did lots of folks: my teachers, a coupla my early boyfriends, a doctor or two.)

Twenty-five years later there is hope that I might get rid of the pain surgically. It could cost me every penny I have, or only some. I could spend months recuperating from the surgery, or only a few weeks. I just don't know. I suppose I could throw a party. Shall I call it my twelfth birthday or so as a "person"? Maybe one day I can grow up to be something cool, like a Blue Angels pilot.

I also want a pony.

Comments

[quasigeostrophy.livejournal.com]

for me puberty wasn't terrifying to look forward to. I understood the birds and the bees

I can see how that could be terrifying for those who have to go through menstruation, especially if there isn't good foreknowledge. I understood all the basic physical stuff before I was six - my mom was an RN with a well-stocked library, and I was (still am) a curious kid who never had any media censored. Of course, I didn't have a uterus to deal with personally, either.

Maybe one day I can grow up to be something cool, like a Blue Angels pilot.

Grow up? You keep using those words. *scratches head*

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I can see how that could be terrifying for those who have to go through menstruation, especially if there isn't good foreknowledge.

Yeah, every family seems to have its story of so-and-so who was convinced she was dying.

Grow up? You keep using those words. *scratches head*

I will define myself as grown up when I can have a dog. O'course, seeing as how I'm away from the house ten-twelve hours a day easy, and I don't have a yard to speak of, and I'll never have a housewife or kids to do any chores, it might be a good long while before I can have a dog!

[pixiecrinkle.livejournal.com]

My mom gave me a book, which had a lot of pencil drawings that scared the crap out of me (they made public hair look ultra creepy) and the soft focus lovey dovey 1970s mother daughter photography on the cover really made me feel it was an exceptionally dorky book.

At school, when we watched "the movie" we got a companion booklet, called "Julie's Story" put out by Proctor and Gamble, who also later mailed each and every one of us girls a starter kit full of their products. I still have my pamphlet somewhere.

I just remember feeling like something was very amiss, because we saw the movie 2 days after I got my first period (age 10) and the only other girl I knew who had hers was named Julie, so we totally thought it was a conspiracy.

And then there was the fact that the guys went to the gym to play basketball while we watched the movie. Everyone else I've talked to said the boys either watched the same movie separately, or another male oriented one. Nope, not in my school. No such thing as sex ed here!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't remember getting any useful education in school, unless you count the, ahem, practical learning I and my male classmates did. :-) I'm sure we got something. I must have memorized the spelling of gonorrhea some time. But I don't remember it.

[firecat]

Oh, I haven't thought about that book since I last had it in my hands (I guess I was 11 or so?). What impressed me most was the cool fonts.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I've barely thought about it either, over the years, although for some reason the snippet "What is a uterus? Write back immediately, if not sooner!" has stuck in my mind. But the memories are all there when I see just a bit of the book in the right fonts. The human brain is a wild and wondrous thing.

[tsjafo.livejournal.com]

Maybe one day I can grow up to be something cool, like a Blue Angels pilot.

When Blue Angels grow up and get really good at flying, they become Thunderbirds!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

*grin*!

(I presume biological-males-only in that group too, of course?)

[just-cyd.livejournal.com]

no, i don't recall getting that pamphlet/booklet. And, thanks to the timing of my 5th grade move to a new town, i didn't have any sort of school education on this (or related) subjects until 8th grade, nearly 4 years too late. :P

my education at home wasn't much better. we were on our way home from vacation when my first period came, and the extent of my "education" was mom shoving a pad through the rest-stop bathroom stall to me, and then showing me where the supplies were kept when we got home. Everything else i've figured out on my own, through magazines/books, or with the help of friends.

(actually, tonight's NaNo brain dump was freakishly close to this topic. i might even post it!)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, yours was all "by guess or by golly", huh? Were you shocked or scared when you first bled, or did you at least know a little about what it might be?

[abenn.livejournal.com]

My doctor, who runs Harmony Women's Health (http://www.harmonywomenshealth.com/web/) is the best. She specializes in pelvic pain, and if there's a less expensive/less intrusive way to deal with your pain she will find it. She's not cheap to see the first time, but I found the cost to be very worth it: she spends a lot of time with you and actually listens.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I do go to her. I got her recommendation through, I think, dawnd, who might have recommended her on the strength of your experience. :-)

IME, she's not cheap to see ever! :-) You're right about finding non-intrusive things. She keeps trying stuff and so far a lot of it *changes* stuff but none of it *works*. I just hope I can go ahead and ask for the surgery, since she's told me that what I have can indeed be fixed surgically! Not easily, but it can! 25 years is enough. I'm ready. Bring on that knife and let me heal up! :-)

[portia.livejournal.com]

I think my friend may have had this pamphlet but I never read it.

The book I remember reading that taught me about this stuff was Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret
(http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0440904196/qid=1100580946/sr=2-1/ref=pd_ka_b_2_1/104-8509079-7677558). My mom never told me anything. Later she said she just figured that I knew more than she did. :o)

Anyway, all my anxiety about getting my period was for naught since I never got one! Yay for being born without a uterus!!!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

That is SUCH A WIN! Did you ever get sad about not being able to have children, or was that not a dream you had? Unless you want children of your own body, no-uterus seems to me to be the ultimate in wonderful ways to live. :-)

Hand up...

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

I had that booklet, with the colorful flowers on it, and liked it.

Re: Hand up...

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

And goodness, now I just read the whole thing again, cover to cover, via the link you posted :-)

Re: Hand up...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I don't remember the cover, sadly. The inside of the 1972 version is SOOO familiar, though, that I'm pretty sure that was the one!

growing up and liking it

[lauradi7.livejournal.com]

I got the 1964 version of this booklet (in 1965, when I was in the 5th grade). My daughter got a booklet with a similar name when she was in the 5th grade (this would have been spring of 1998, I guess). When we got it in school, the boys had their own booklet and movie and we were not allowed to know what it said. In my daughter's class, they were split up by genders but each group saw both movies.
Her male classmates were given deodorant samples as well, but not the girls for some reason, causing the teacher to mutter darkly that the marketers should be in the classroom right after PE if they don't think that 10 year old girls stink.
I was the last girl I knew to get a period (nearly age 14, 9th grade). My daughter was 11. I didn't start having bad cramps until a few years later. By the time I was in my mid-20s they were bad enough to cause me to throw up and nearly faint sometimes. This was when ibuprofen was still by prescription only, and my nurse practitioner refused to prescribe it for me, claiming that it was too strong a drug and I'd be better off sticking with aspirin. Ibuprofen coming onto the market changed by life. It was the only med I wanted during labor (not allowed, of course, due to its blood-thinning properties) and my response to women who complained about the pain of labor and childbirth is that their mentrual cramps must not have been very bad. Mine were definitely worse than the labor pain.

Re: growing up and liking it

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, yours got worse as time went on? I suppose it's not endometriosis? (My doc and I ruled that out with exploratory surgery a little less than two years ago.)

I've never had a child, and so won't ever be able to compare, but every so often I meet a woman who says as you do that menstrual pain is worse. It stuns me that so few doctors want to DO anything about it!

[rampling.livejournal.com]

I remember talking with my sister about menstrual pain several years ago (10ish?), before my mom had died. We both got quite severe pain (though not as severe as yours), and wondered why our mom hadn't told us how bad it could be. Later we asked her, and she told us that she thought maybe if she didn't tell us it would be awful, then it wouldn't be awful! I guess she made us unafraid beforehand, but there was no comfort from the idea of shared pain at any point. She never told us until we asked that day that she had severe pain too. When I was about 10, she had gotten a hyterectomy -- I never knew why, but it might have been for the pain.

I still have pain, and it pisses me off, but I get through it. I'm lucky that ibuprofen (800mg) will dent and somewhat lessen the worst stuff.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh wow. My mom says she had cramps until she had children, after which they weren't much of an issue... so she basically figured that a) I didn't have anything worse than she had, and thus was a helluva whiner, and b) I'd be okay soon enough anyway. Ha. It was quite the eye opener when I first realized that I had never had cramps in my life -- my herniated nerves were causing all that pain!

Does naproxen sodium (Aleve) work for you? I love it, and it feels much stronger than ibuprofen to me -- o'course I may have simply gotten acclimated to huge amounts of ibuprofen in my bloodstream, who knows.

[lcohen]

i think that the phenomenon of people who have a little menstrual pain thinking that the people who have a lot of it are whiners is not uncommon, alas.

i hope that you do find a way to get rid of the pain.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Then can I go around calling everyone else a whiner? Pretty please? ;-)

(I'm definitely wearing my silly hat today.)

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

I had "Growing Up and Liking It," but it sure didn't look like that! Mine was in the 50s, and I don't remember the format -- it might have been similar -- but I do know it said not to go horseback riding or swimming or even attend gym class when you have your period! I don't remember what the booklet said about hair, but common wisdom in those days was that you shouldn't get a permanent because it wouldn't "take" during "that time of the month." =rolls eyes=

My story of being told early is very much like yours. My mother's parents were both immigrants from Eastern Europe, with a full complement of the 19th century old country values, knowledge and superstitions they were raised with. One day when my mom was 11 or so (this would be about 1926), she discovered she was bleeding from "down there," and ran in a panic to her mother. When she told her mother what was happening, her mother slapped her across the face, on both cheeks.

Then my grandmother told my mom about "the curse." Yes, that's what she called it. And she explained that she had slapped her because that way she would always have rosy cheeks. But my mother had been deeply shocked by the whole situation, and started telling me about menstruation when I was 7 or 8 so that no matter how early I might get my first period, I would already know what was going to happen and be prepared for it!

She also spoke very positively of it, saying that they don't use expressions like "the curse" any more, assuring me that it doesn't hurt and is very normal and natural, and making a big deal about how I would be "a woman" when I got my first period. So I was actually looking forward to it, and was very excited when I finally started about a month before my 11th birthday.

How much of it was my positive attitude, how much of it was genetic, and how much just sheer good luck I'll never know, but I rarely had any problems with my period. I had very, very mild cramps, nothing that would keep me home from school for a day or two every month like some girls. (Having to miss a day or two of school each month was also considered normal and natural in the 1950s =sigh= )

The only problem I ever had was in my late 30s, when my periods started getting heavier and heavier ... and eventually got to the point where the thickest pad plus the thickest tampon, used together, would give me about an hour before they were both soaked through! I was really anemic too, of course. Even with those ridiculously heavy periods, though, I still had very little pain. It was just disabling because I couldn't leave the house for a couple of days every month so I could have constant access to the bathroom! It turned out that I had a fibroid tumor, so I ended up having a hysterectomy when I was 44. At the time it seemed like a terrible thing to have to do, but in retrospect, I shouldn't even have waited as long as I did to do something about the situation.

Sheesh, I didn't mean to write a book! Thanks for the trip down Memory Lane. I hope your story has a happy ending!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Wow, memories!

I find it hard to fathom that face-slap. "Rosy cheeks"! Yikes!

Having to miss a day or two of school each month was also considered normal and natural in the 1950s =sigh=

I wish that were true now! Then I'd be normal. :-/

I am SO glad your hysterectomy went well & you didn't keep on getting more and more anemic. Scary. :-(

I hope your story has a happy ending!

Thanks!

[rfrench.livejournal.com]

Can we keep the pony outside?

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh, I suppose. He'd make hoof marks on the wood floors if we let him in. But in exchange, can I let the cats sleep on the bed? ;-)