My last Monday night square dance

As I've probably mentioned here before, I am convinced I must give up square dancing. If my feet are ever going to heal, giving them rest is probably a critical step, and if they're not... I just can't hack it. Last night as an experiment I took six pain pills before dancing. It messed up my stomach. My feet were only somewhat better.

This is the latest of several things I love I've had to give up. Running was first, then backpacking, then hiking; somewhere in there "going to a flea market" or "going to the mall" became not worth it; now square dancing is going.

I dance with a group on Monday nights. Oops, I mean I used to dance with a group on Monday nights. Last night was the last time. I'll miss them. I'm already grieving.

I get to square dance one more time, at a dance in New England, this coming weekend. That one is my swan song.

Letting go is *hard*.

In-person friends

There's no one *physically* close to me who is also *emotionally* close to me. (Except for Rob, obviously.) My previous entry reminds me of this, because giving up square dancing is giving up the majority of my non-work social contact. But this is something I've been puzzling over for months now.

Some of my most caring friends are thousands of miles away. Just as an example, when I had surgery I was overwhelmed by the support I got -- cards, gifts, visits -- from people physically far away. Local people? Made LJ comments. :-) The Thursday night square dance group I call for once a month, to which I showed up still bandaged heavily and leaning on a walker? Had me sign a get well card for someone else! If I needed a demonstration of just how invisible I am in person, that group couldn't have planned it better.

Why is this? What is it that I'm doing?

Maybe I smell bad in person. Maybe my unwillingness to drive long distances during rush hour for social gatherings where I don't know people well is really holding me back. Maybe I don't reach out to others or plan far enough ahead. Maybe I'm just really freakin' shy (and I think there's some truth in that one). Maybe the set of people I am drawn to and the set of people who are drawn to me simply don't have a very big intersection!

I do have some people I would quickly name as friends, who are local to me, but it's interesting to note I don't see them very often -- once every couple of weeks is the *highest* frequency and that happens only when they're not very busy.

What am I doing that leads me to craft this strange unbalance in my social life?

115 comments later (yikes!)

Holy moly! So after much conversation (thank you, everyone!), it's clear there are indeed a few things I'm doing to create this LJ-centric social life.

( A few things )

In addition to some increased awareness there's one other thing this conversation has given me: I am immensely cheered up. Thank you, all of you, from the bottom of my heart. I was very grumpy this morning. I was angry with myself and with my feet, I was feeling hurt and alone and isolated and was a little angry at myself for that too, I was swamped with work... and now I'm fairly cheerful and only swamped with work. :-) LJ *does* do well for some kinds of social interaction. Having all these conversation-threads really gave me a boost. Thanks.

No one knows

Beautiful.