Date Bar Fiasco

[cjsmith]

I tried to make date bars from a boxed-up mix thingy when I was maybe six. The box contained a beige powder and a dark brown powder; I was supposed to add, I think, nothing more complicated than water, and then form the resulting things into layers in a square pan and bake them. How hard could it be?

So I add two cups of water to the light beige powder and three tablespoons of water to the dark brown powder...

...oops...

Okay. I know heat helps things dry out, right? Remember, I'm like six. I put the big plastic bowl with the "crust mixture" (now very liquid) on the warm spot on the counter, above the running dishwasher. Minutes pass. No improvement. I put it in the nice warm oven. I smell something funny. I pry the big plastic bowl OFF the oven rack -- thank goodness it hadn't melted through, yet! Eventually I decide there's not a thing I can do but mix both the glops together and make drop cookies.

My dad said he liked them. I think he was being nice.

For years, that bowl had grooves on the underside, from the oven rack.

Comments

[dizzdvl.livejournal.com]

Oh mine was worse. The cookies were already on the cookie sheets and they didn't come off well with a spatula because my friend and I were anxious. So they squinched up. We mixed them up together and got dog food! Ha!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Aren't these memories something? If I ever had kids I would totally let them loose in the kitchen. Okay, I'd supervise on sharp things and heat as appropriate, but ultimately, who cares if I have to buy another big plastic mixing bowl (and maybe an oven rack)? There is no substitute for the memory of having botched something royally in the kitchen!

And here is why I like baking: basically, all the ingredients in just about any order are safe and are tasty. If you botch it, nothing in there will kill you, and things just might come out tasting not half bad. Mine often did. Way more than I deserved. :-)

[2ddragis0.livejournal.com]

The ingredients are safe and tasty in any order, assuming you don't confuse them. Remember my bannana bread where I swapped the sugar and the salt? I don't think Mom/Dad actually ate any of it, after spitting out the first bite.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh man! No, I don't remember that! That's priceless.

You're right: they're safe and tasty in any order, but NOT NECESSARILY in any ratio.

I forgot the flour in carrot cake once. I was living at French House by then. Fortunately, the goo hadn't been in the oven long, so I was able to add the flour in.

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

This made me chuckle.

Reminds me of the time I used liquid dish soap (the kind you'd use in the sink) in the diswasher.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh nooooooo! Did it explode? :-)

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

It looked like something that would have caused Lucille Ball to go "WaAaah!"

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of Calvin and Hobbes.

Dad, on phone in office: "Calvin, don't call me at work unless it's an emergency!"

Calvin, at home sitting on kitchen counter, hanging up phone, looking at rising water below him: "This should qualify in another fifteen minutes."

[ladycelia.livejournal.com]

Gad, I miss Calvin and Hobbes!

[nosrednayduj]

My first household fiasco at a similar age vaguely had to do with cooking. I had one of those "E-Z-bake ovens", the kind that run on a lightbulb, and it had several miniature metal pans about 4 inches across. Once, when feeling my nightlight was not bright enough, I took the cookie sheet -- it reflects, right? -- and set it behind the nightlight as a mirror. Neatly balanced on the two nice prongs that go into the wall... BANG! DARK! It was dramatic, blew a half-inch semicircle into the pan, and caused my parents to come a-running.

I'm better now, with electricity. Cooking, too, I've had my share of disasters, but none at such a tender age.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Hey, that's a smart idea for a kid to have! And I bet you learned something about electricity.

(I remember those ovens!)

I didn't feel half so bad about the grooves in the bowl when, years later, we had the whole family working on Clean The Refrigerator, and somebody bumped the stove while the drawers and shelves were stacked thereon. The bowl I had endangered was salvageable; the crisper drawer and one electric stove element were goners!

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Judy? I thought I recognized you. Did you know CJ and I went to school together? Now we can connect through her and Matt.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

AAAA SMALL WORLD! :-)

[nosrednayduj]

Cool. Maybe I'll see you Saturday at Matt's? I'm considering going.

[hnybny.livejournal.com]

Nice, I should be there.

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

I was hoping for some singles advice...

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

1. Do NOT date an entire bar.
2. Um... I ran out of good advice at rule one!

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I thought this would be about bars to go to on dates, too.

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

In early elementary school I repeatedly tried to follow the recipe for peppermint candy in the Joy Of Cooking... I believe it to be possible, but it is essentially 'dissolve sugar in water and cook to soft ball stage'. Neither my mom nor my teacher thought it was possible.

Also, the day I made 'pear sauce'.. to quote from a note I still have from a friend "I liked your pear sauce, even if it was disgustin'"

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

"I liked your pear sauce, even if it was disgustin'"

CLASSIC! *rolls eyes* :-)

[alice-q.livejournal.com]

When my sister and I were old enough to be trusted with the oven, we regularly made cookies. One time when my parents had friends over, we decided that it would be a good idea to serve them cookies. That was the time we'd added food coloring, so we walked through the living room offering my parents' guests green and purple cookies.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Way to go! I'd eat green and purple cookies. But then, it's pretty evident that I never quite grew up. :-)

[lisa-marli.livejournal.com]

For St Patrick's Day I add green food coloring to my bread. It comes out looking like it came out of Zardoz.
And the one story I remember was when we decided to help Mom by washing the kitchen floor. I was two (who can read?). I got the box out from under the kitchen sink and put the contents in water, just like Mommy. Only it wasn't the floor washing powder, it was blue dye. We moved out of that house not to long after, so I have no memory of what the floor looked like after I was done. I do remember washing the floor though. Strange what bits you remember from that time.

[layer.livejournal.com]

date bars are one of my favorite things of all time. they don't make that mix anymore. i need to find a recipe so i can make them myself.