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Date Bar Fiasco
I tried to make date bars from a boxed-up mix thingy when I was maybe six. The box contained a beige powder and a dark brown powder; I was supposed to add, I think, nothing more complicated than water, and then form the resulting things into layers in a square pan and bake them. How hard could it be?
So I add two cups of water to the light beige powder and three tablespoons of water to the dark brown powder...
...oops...
Okay. I know heat helps things dry out, right? Remember, I'm like six. I put the big plastic bowl with the "crust mixture" (now very liquid) on the warm spot on the counter, above the running dishwasher. Minutes pass. No improvement. I put it in the nice warm oven. I smell something funny. I pry the big plastic bowl OFF the oven rack -- thank goodness it hadn't melted through, yet! Eventually I decide there's not a thing I can do but mix both the glops together and make drop cookies.
My dad said he liked them. I think he was being nice.
For years, that bowl had grooves on the underside, from the oven rack.
So I add two cups of water to the light beige powder and three tablespoons of water to the dark brown powder...
...oops...
Okay. I know heat helps things dry out, right? Remember, I'm like six. I put the big plastic bowl with the "crust mixture" (now very liquid) on the warm spot on the counter, above the running dishwasher. Minutes pass. No improvement. I put it in the nice warm oven. I smell something funny. I pry the big plastic bowl OFF the oven rack -- thank goodness it hadn't melted through, yet! Eventually I decide there's not a thing I can do but mix both the glops together and make drop cookies.
My dad said he liked them. I think he was being nice.
For years, that bowl had grooves on the underside, from the oven rack.
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And here is why I like baking: basically, all the ingredients in just about any order are safe and are tasty. If you botch it, nothing in there will kill you, and things just might come out tasting not half bad. Mine often did. Way more than I deserved. :-)
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You're right: they're safe and tasty in any order, but NOT NECESSARILY in any ratio.
I forgot the flour in carrot cake once. I was living at French House by then. Fortunately, the goo hadn't been in the oven long, so I was able to add the flour in.
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Reminds me of the time I used liquid dish soap (the kind you'd use in the sink) in the diswasher.
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Dad, on phone in office: "Calvin, don't call me at work unless it's an emergency!"
Calvin, at home sitting on kitchen counter, hanging up phone, looking at rising water below him: "This should qualify in another fifteen minutes."
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I'm better now, with electricity. Cooking, too, I've had my share of disasters, but none at such a tender age.
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(I remember those ovens!)
I didn't feel half so bad about the grooves in the bowl when, years later, we had the whole family working on Clean The Refrigerator, and somebody bumped the stove while the drawers and shelves were stacked thereon. The bowl I had endangered was salvageable; the crisper drawer and one electric stove element were goners!
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2. Um... I ran out of good advice at rule one!
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Also, the day I made 'pear sauce'.. to quote from a note I still have from a friend "I liked your pear sauce, even if it was disgustin'"
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CLASSIC! *rolls eyes* :-)
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And the one story I remember was when we decided to help Mom by washing the kitchen floor. I was two (who can read?). I got the box out from under the kitchen sink and put the contents in water, just like Mommy. Only it wasn't the floor washing powder, it was blue dye. We moved out of that house not to long after, so I have no memory of what the floor looked like after I was done. I do remember washing the floor though. Strange what bits you remember from that time.
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