Acceptance vs. wallowing

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm very unhappy about something and I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it except come to some kind of acceptance. (People who have never had a problem outside your power to solve, stop reading now; save your innocence.)

I don't know how to accept something I loathe except to face it over and over and over. Otherwise, I go into denial, not useful long-term. So I keep repeating the unpleasant truth to myself until it doesn't hurt any more. I analyze. I try to find loopholes. I want to know just where the boundaries are. I want to know how bad it is, and I want to face that.

I wallow in it. If I don't, I keep getting unpleasantly surprised when it slaps me in the face.

So far there are not many things in my life that are bad enough that this technique doesn't work. But there are a couple... and it isn't working... and it's been years.

I am quite tired of being unhappy about this crap. If wallowing isn't going to work I can sure be happier day-to-day if I ditch it. Any other techniques??

Comments

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

I hesitated to write my own direct comment. But after reading everyone else's comments I'll throw in my own $0.02

Like many others I'm assuming that you are talking with the nerve/foot pain. I can sympathize. Eleven years ago I was told that I was massively and permanently disabled. I was 24 and my world was rocked. It took time to get to acceptance. How did I do it? Counseling. I went to a head shrinker to help me wrap my brain and my heart around this undeniable fact. Being told by the Doctor that "this was how it was going to be for the rest of my life, so get used to it", was just too much for me. So I went to a professional.

Counseling usually works for me. Having that outside/non-involved person around can be very useful.

Hope this idea helps.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

The nerve/foot pain is one issue I'm talking about, yeah; the other's a little too personal to put here. But both of 'em share the characteristics of massive emotional pain and complete lack of anything I can do to change them.

I've been in counseling for years & I admit I'm better than I was but it's definitely not "fixed". Maybe my head is way too big to shrink quickly. :-)

[aelfie.livejournal.com]

Or maybe time for a different counselor?

Just a thought.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I'm counting more than one, but yeah, that might still be worth a thought, yepper.