Acceptance vs. wallowing

[cjsmith]

Sometimes I'm very unhappy about something and I know there's not a darn thing I can do about it except come to some kind of acceptance. (People who have never had a problem outside your power to solve, stop reading now; save your innocence.)

I don't know how to accept something I loathe except to face it over and over and over. Otherwise, I go into denial, not useful long-term. So I keep repeating the unpleasant truth to myself until it doesn't hurt any more. I analyze. I try to find loopholes. I want to know just where the boundaries are. I want to know how bad it is, and I want to face that.

I wallow in it. If I don't, I keep getting unpleasantly surprised when it slaps me in the face.

So far there are not many things in my life that are bad enough that this technique doesn't work. But there are a couple... and it isn't working... and it's been years.

I am quite tired of being unhappy about this crap. If wallowing isn't going to work I can sure be happier day-to-day if I ditch it. Any other techniques??

Comments

[wooddragon.livejournal.com]

Well, I would say that if there are things within your control that will make you happier, those are good things to go after.

So. I've had a thing that made me very unhappy and that I couldn't do a goddamn thing about. How did I deal with it?

For the first long while, I didn't face it head on. To do so would have killed me. Your issue may sort of be the opposite of mine though. Mine happened and it was done and it was clear and resolved. Yours was less clear and took much longer over time to realize that that was the way it was gonna be.

Then I did things that distracted me from the big thing. Little things that kept me engaged and not thinking about 'the big thing.' So maybe I did deal with a 'big thing' differently from you. I did absolutely not face face face it all the time. And it did slap me in the face periodically, but it seemed less bad that way than always thinking about how bad it was.

So anyway, there's another strategy... Ultimately, I would say try different things until you find one that works better than the others, even if just a little bit.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yours was less clear and took much longer over time to realize that that was the way it was gonna be.

Ahhh. Yes, I think you've hit the nail on the head here. I keep poking at it because it's not clear, the size and shape and extent of it. Yeah.

Distraction = good. Need to throw myself into something. I'll come up with a good something. :)

[sharya.livejournal.com]

May I suggest photography/scrapbooking? They go hand in hand :P