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Do you ever hear someone pontificating -- preaching -- about something that's fairly new to him and old hat to you? Under what circumstances does it or does it not bug you?
I find I can mostly shrug it off when it's about some kind of technical subject. If I know the speaker is a total fool or severely misinformed, then that's just the way it is, with no need for irritation. But I find I can't shrug it off when it's about living with foot pain or staying fit with a disability. Usually the preacher is not permanently disabled, just temporarily injured in some way, and my GOD the things they think are Big News to someone who's dealt with this for years. Sometimes I think the speaker is trying to be helpful; other times it's pretty clear the speaker is trying to chide me for how I handle things. In the latter case I just want to SLAP the person. My kinder side hopes karma doesn't work, because the appropriate end story to that one is a permanent disability with chronic pain.
Clearly my buttons are getting pushed. I wonder when my foot problems will be so firmly an accepted part of me that I don't even have buttons to push any more. In the meantime, I hope I can mostly avoid that kind of person. I don't want to turn rude and bitter.
I find I can mostly shrug it off when it's about some kind of technical subject. If I know the speaker is a total fool or severely misinformed, then that's just the way it is, with no need for irritation. But I find I can't shrug it off when it's about living with foot pain or staying fit with a disability. Usually the preacher is not permanently disabled, just temporarily injured in some way, and my GOD the things they think are Big News to someone who's dealt with this for years. Sometimes I think the speaker is trying to be helpful; other times it's pretty clear the speaker is trying to chide me for how I handle things. In the latter case I just want to SLAP the person. My kinder side hopes karma doesn't work, because the appropriate end story to that one is a permanent disability with chronic pain.
Clearly my buttons are getting pushed. I wonder when my foot problems will be so firmly an accepted part of me that I don't even have buttons to push any more. In the meantime, I hope I can mostly avoid that kind of person. I don't want to turn rude and bitter.
no subject
Ugh. That is above and beyond awful. That is just heinous.
I wouldn't link acceptance of a physical problem with not having buttons to push.
Oh, good point! I just meant buttons related to the physical problem and my nonacceptance thereof. I'm human; I'll always have buttons of SOME sort! :-)
no subject
No, no, that's not what I meant! I did mean buttons regarding your physical condition. Even though I've accepted my chronic pain conditions, I still get annoyed at things sometimes. You can accept a chronic health issue as being the way your body is now, without becoming apathetic about it.
It's hard to explain, but it's kind of a middle way. You're at one extreme now -- you still deeply resent this situation, so you're very prickly when people say stupid things. That doesn't mean you'll go all the way to the other extreme and become so apathetic about it that you don't care what anybody says any more, or so bitter that you don't care what you say any more.
It's much more likely that you'll end up in the middle, which is the best place to be. You -- that's a generic "you" here ... saying "one" sounds so stilted nowadays. You come to the realization -- emotionally, not just intellectually -- that your life has changed, and you accept your condition and learn to live with it. But you still care about it, you never accept it absolutely 100%. You still have enough wistfulness and occasional flashes of resentment to keep your buttons. But the springs will gradually get stronger so they'll be harder to push. The buttons will still be there and they will occasionally get pushed, but you'll be able to handle it when they do.
That's what I meant when I said not to link acceptance with not having buttons to push on the subject. Acceptance ≠ apathy, and acceptance ≠ bitterness either. That's the way it is for me, and from what I know of you, I think that's the way it will be for you too.
It just takes time. It's an enormous loss, and you have to go through the grieving process first, whatever form that takes for you. (It's a myth that everyone goes through the same stages in the same order.) Just be good to yourself, try to minimize stress where you can. And realize that the adjustment period won't last forever, and in your own time you'll come out the other side into relatively peaceful acceptance.