Cleanup today. Weekend slipping away.

[cjsmith]

I have lots and lots to do around the house today.

Every weekend, I start out with loads of energy, excited about how much I can get done in the two short days I have before I have to go back to work. Yesterday was no exception to this. I crossed a lot of things off my list yesterday. Dishes, laundry, sweeping up, a new ISP for my domain, a bottle of wine ordered from the winery on behalf of my mom, a Craigslist "free" post, new license plates finally attached to the car... stuff.

Now it's Sunday morning, and reality is sinking in. The list is too long for the time remaining. It always is. I'm no longer excited. Now I'm just working against a deadline.

I hate that my life is always right on the edge of being completely out of control because a full-time job takes so much time and energy. When I come home in the evening, I read a book, because that's all I'm good for. The weekends are gold. That's when I can really make a difference.

Lots to do before bedtime, and no staying up late either. Wish me luck.

Comments

[sunnydale47.livejournal.com]

Physical challenges make life much more difficult. Pain makes everything -- even fun stuff -- stressful. Things take longer if you have to get off your feet and rest periodically. That's on top of the time-pressure everyone feels in our time-pressured society, where "keeping up with the Joneses" means not just acquisitions, but also activities.

Shortly after Tom and I got married and moved to Maryland, when I wasn't working yet, we went to a B&B one weekend. At breakfast the woman beside me and I introduced ourselves, and she asked brightly, "What do you do?" "I'm at home with my 2-year-old," I said. "Oh. Uh, that's nice," she said tonelessly, and before I could say another word about what I used to do, or what I planned to do, she turned away to talk the person on her other side.

That's where the idea for my airplane-sales business came from. I needed to have something to be, because, especially in those early years of the women's movement, it simply wasn't acceptable in the power-mad DC area to not "do" anything. (Staying at home with one's kids wasn't considered doing anything, regardless of how much work it entailed, or what else you did with your time.) It's a little more socially acceptable to be a stay-at-home mom now (it even has its own acronym) -- but if you don't have kids you're still expected to "do" something.

For many years now I've been responding to that question with "I'm medically retired," feeling the need to add the adverb because I was too young to be retired any other way, and felt I needed an excuse for not working because society equates productivity and success to paid work. But there are other forms of productivity and success. Raising a child is being productive. Calling square-dances is being productive. The joy and sense of accomplishment from being able to do aerobatics is achieving success in life.

The most intense pressure comes from a full-time job, because you can always skip something else if you need to. Your party guests won't care if the bookcases are a little dusty or you haven't scrubbed the splashback behind the sink -- most of them won't even notice, and the rest will feel relieved because their houses aren't perfect either. You can cancel a flight or skip writing. You can even let LJ go for awhile (though there's a mental-health downside to that since it's an important support system for you). But you have to be at work -- and be productive -- day in and day out, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, 49 or 50 weeks a year. So it's the biggest stress-producer in terms of not only quantity, but also quality. Even if you love your job, the unceasing nature of its demands are wearing.

Is there any possibility of cutting back your hours? If you tell them you just can't work full-time because of your physical disabilities, I think they have to let you set a shorter schedule ... and since you're appreciated there, they'd probably prefer to have you working fewer hours than lose you altogether.

Is it possible to work 4 days a week instead of 5 (without increasing the number of hours per day), or 6-7 hours a day instead of 8? I think that would make a big difference in your stress level.

If not, you may have to revisit the idea that you've been wrestling with for a long time: Cutting out one or two of your many activities. I have BTDT on this one, and I well know how terribly painful it is ... but it also reduces stress enormously once you come to acceptance of the loss.

Meanwhile, I hope you get everything done that you planned for this weekend and still get a little time to rest and refresh yourself to start the week tomorrow!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

For me it's less pain and more lack of energy, which I suppose is an indirect result of the foot pain (no exercise). I'm not in a state where I can/must mess about with my job. I can do the work. I just can't do it and everything else I want to do.

The only activity I have left that takes any real time, besides playing host when people are staying over, is square dance calling. It's my only social life. For good or ill, I think I'd rather have stressful/busy weekends than cut that.

My dream is to retire. I'm working at startups, I'm investing... some day I might make it.