Am I going insane or coming back from there?

[cjsmith]

Ever get to the point when you really want to talk to a person about something and you realize he doesn't want to hear about it? Ever want support from someone and realize that he's got faaaaaaar more important things on his mind than hearing about YOUR life and what's going on with YOU? That point where you suddenly wake up and see something you later feel like you should have known for years?

I have some stress about the whole interview/job-offer situation, and I am realizing that one person I really thought I could talk to about it is in this category. There is absolutely no way he wants to hear about this right now. It's the last thing he'd care about. Oh, he might be polite and hear me out before changing the subject -- or he might not. But he wouldn't ask questions or offer advice or basically care.

This is the second realization in, oh, a few months. I clued in about another long-time friend a while back. This one is situational, temporary; the previous one is less striking but chronic.

They hurt, in the moment; I'm stung, and I feel angry. But then I start to wonder about all sorts of related things. Can anything give me the "right" to a particular person's friendship or support? Am I simply expecting too much? If not, am I a bad judge of people? Do I do for others the things I wished others would do for me? Am I seeing things that aren't there, and would these folks happily be supportive?

I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm going insane. But maybe it's the other way round: could be I was delusional before and now I'm more aware. I can't tell.

Comments

[vito-excalibur.livejournal.com]

Eh, I was working till recently, but I'm starting school at the beginning of August, which makes it harder. Also, up until like 3 days ago I had a project from next week till the end of July, but 3 days ago it fell through, so I need to look again. Bleh.

Ignore the low self-confidence. If it doesn't work out, it will just not work out. People expect the first few months to be a sort of trying-each-other-out experience.

But I bet it will work out.

For me the question would be, do you want that high-stress startup situation. Some people do, some don't.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oo yeah, school. I bet it's hard to find a project to fit just precisely the timespan you have left. Bummer that that other one fell through. I hope you find a good one. And I know looking is just plain no fun. :-( Good luck.

I think I'll do okay on the high-stress startup situation *if* I reach a point where I'm confident I am good at the stuff I am doing. That'll be the key: feeling like I'm doing my share of the work and doing it well. If not, it'll be the bad kind of stress.

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I was scared to death Monday because I was greeted with a lot of "Oh, I've heard so much about you!" from lots of people. But I've been astounded at how it's coming back to me as I'm poking around, and even with all the buildup no one has seemed to expect me to be prefect.

Hmmm, I think I'll leave the typo there :-D

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, most sane people will expect a bit of adjustment at the beginning! :-)