Am I going insane or coming back from there?

[cjsmith]

Ever get to the point when you really want to talk to a person about something and you realize he doesn't want to hear about it? Ever want support from someone and realize that he's got faaaaaaar more important things on his mind than hearing about YOUR life and what's going on with YOU? That point where you suddenly wake up and see something you later feel like you should have known for years?

I have some stress about the whole interview/job-offer situation, and I am realizing that one person I really thought I could talk to about it is in this category. There is absolutely no way he wants to hear about this right now. It's the last thing he'd care about. Oh, he might be polite and hear me out before changing the subject -- or he might not. But he wouldn't ask questions or offer advice or basically care.

This is the second realization in, oh, a few months. I clued in about another long-time friend a while back. This one is situational, temporary; the previous one is less striking but chronic.

They hurt, in the moment; I'm stung, and I feel angry. But then I start to wonder about all sorts of related things. Can anything give me the "right" to a particular person's friendship or support? Am I simply expecting too much? If not, am I a bad judge of people? Do I do for others the things I wished others would do for me? Am I seeing things that aren't there, and would these folks happily be supportive?

I honestly don't know. Maybe I'm going insane. But maybe it's the other way round: could be I was delusional before and now I'm more aware. I can't tell.

Comments

[airporter.livejournal.com]

It's perhaps a silly question, but did you speak to these people about the issues you needed to discuss before your realization?

If you haven't, then you may be doing yourself and the others a disservice - you really can't know if they're interested or supportive without communications.

If, on the other hand, you've talked with them and been given the brush, I'd strongly recommend talking with other friends. Some of them might not have similar histories as the person you wanted to talk with, but you know they'll listen.

You don't appear to be a bad judge of people, in my opinion. People change, and you're perceptions will change as the people you're around change and grow. Friends do change over time.

The ones that keep your best interests at heart, that listen, are friends.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Not yet, in the current case. Trouble with an acute communication problem is that it's often hard to communicate about it too. (But never fear, I value that person way more than enough to talk about it when we have the chance.)

If you haven't, then you may be doing yourself and the others a disservice

A very good point, and one I sometimes need to be kicked in the head with. :-)

People change.... Friends do change over time.

Yeah. It doesn't mean anyone is evil, or that I'm a victim, or that someone's malicious or stupid. It just happens. Doesn't make it particularly FUN of course.

[airporter.livejournal.com]

A very good point, and one I sometimes need to be kicked in the head with.

I would never kick you in the head, hon. NERF baseball bats are more fun!

Doesn't make it particularly FUN of course.

Agreed, regretfully.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Or those big plastic hammers with accordion-pleated heads that make squeaky noises when they hit! I had one of those as a child and I had all but forgotten it until now.