Calling and flying (and the internal fight)

[cjsmith]

Fortunately Rob keeps his journal up to date so I can crib from him. Friday evening Rob flew us down to LA, and over the weekend we called a sparsely-attended dance. (Me, I did not do taxes today as Rob's second entry notes he did. In between all this goofing off on LJ, I'm trying to justify my paycheck. :-) )

This weekend I have two flight lessons scheduled. The weekend after that I have two flight lessons scheduled. See, I had been giving myself a major guilt trip for not flying since Christmas, so I went and made sure this stuff was on the calendar. It didn't work; I'm still on the guilt trip. And then somewhere in my brain a recording is saying over and over that I will never get back to the level of skill I once had. This same voice insinuates that I never did fly very well in the first place. Anyone have a super-pill for shutting up the voices inside one's head? Gosh darnit, I'm nothing if not stubborn. I'm going to try to regain that old skill and better. But wow, it's a heck of a fight.

Comments

[billeyler.livejournal.com]

I'll have the same situation in Denver next week...I'm supposed to call a Sunday morning C2 dance as an add-on to the Rainbeaus anniversary weekend. When Karen Fields added that, they figured there would be two squares worth, but as of last week, only 5 had signed up. They've all scattered to the coasts to dance with the big names!

Flying...maybe I'll take that up as a new hobby! :-)

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeah, conflicting dance times can really make a difference.

Flying is even better than square dance calling as a way of shrinking one's wallet! ;-)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(grimace) yes... I keep wishing I could get back into it, until I price out rentals.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

No kidding. That's a big part of what slowed me down for so long. I'm spending HOW MUCH on something just for FUN?

shutting up voices

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

I'm in no way claiming that this will shut them up, but as long as they keep yammering, you may as well give it a try:

a recording is saying over and over that I will never get back to the level of skill I once had
[response:] provide evidence for this claim. Oh, and you must provide ALL of your evidence in one go (--no keeping the best bits for springing on us later). Documentation too, if you can find any.

While they work on that, you work on the following:
1. practice explaining that the future is unknown, thus there cannot be evidence of your future levels of skill. The most they can legitimately do is say that they are worried or having gloomy fantasies. There really is no claim to be made about the future.
2. assemble evidence of your success, skill, and teachability (if that is a word) from when you had the prior level of skill.
If you got that good once, what would keep you from becoming that good again? They seem to have a rather weak argument to me, unless there is much more to it?
3. assemble additional evidence of the likelihood of your doing as well as before. (Isn't the fact that you HAD that level of skill before darned good evidence?) This can include
a. going over HOW you learned in the first case (e.g. courses taken, hours of flight etc)
b. going over plans for flight practice, and other options available to you (many options in the world)
c. evidence of other things you have learned well
d. examples of flight skill attained by other people
e. general charater or motivation, e.g. "I will persist in this and I'm a contientious (sp?) student" "I have good coordination". Whatever.
f. other

The hope here is to whomp the voices rather forcefully on the subject, leading them to slink off.

Oh, and if you manage to whomp them, please also remind them that there is no bloody requirement that you become "as good as before". Everything is optional, and you are entitled to enjoying it -- they have no right to make it into a dreaded trial. You may very well become far better than ever before, IF YOU WANT TO.
So there.

Let me know if this line of thinking is any help or not. More available on request.

Re: shutting up voices

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I can beat the voices about the head for long enough to gain an hour's respite. It takes a lot of energy, but it seems to be the only tool in my toolchest so far.

I think if Big Pharma can come up with Viagra, they should certainly solve this one. ;-)

Your point about "as good as before" is well taken. My goal -- er, my dream, if I had one to name -- is to get good enough to take passengers in the Pitts. I've taken passengers for acro rides before, in the Citabria, and that's usually enough excitement for them. So if I get that good it's okay. But the Pitts -- now THAT'S a cool plane. That's what I want to be able to offer when someone says wistfully "it must be really neat to fly upside down".

Re: shutting up voices

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

Oops, sorry, I think I misunderstood. I took the pill comment way more figuratively. My mistake.

Actually I imagine there is a pill -- I don't know for sure and no recommendations on which one(s) -- but I think it is VERY likely it also has some other effects that you may be unhappy with. I find GABA (a fairly pricey supplement) extremely helpful for anxiety (as in "high" anxiety -- meaning more than my usual operating level). I don't know if any level of anxiety is part of your situation.

Finally, I see from your additional comments that the voices are way more of a problem than I gathered at first. So, sorry if my suggestions were unhelpful rather than just "in the wrong direction". Sending best wishes.

Re: shutting up voices

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Oh, no problem at all. You didn't misunderstand. The pill comment was both figurative AND an offhand joke! (In a comment below I say I want those voices surgically excised. Same sort of feeling.) Your comments were along the lines I often do myself -- argue them into submission. :-)

[layer.livejournal.com]

you will totally get better. we both will.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Dang, I hope so. I wonder what it must be like to live without this constant inner battle. I wonder just how skilled I would have to be before those voices would shut up about it. I wonder what I would have accomplished by now if they were never installed in the first place.

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

Woo-hoo! I'm glad you're flying again!

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Thanks! :) By Friday night I will be a rock-solid little ball on the living room floor, silently wailing I DON'T WANNA. By Saturday afternoon I will be jumping around saying WHEEEEE! (Until my feet hurt, and then I'll stop.)

[lkeele.livejournal.com]

(My inner voices often win. :P )

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

So do mine. :-( :-( It's incredibly sad.

I want them surgically excised.