It just gets worse

[cjsmith]

I've recently learned that it's not at all clear whether my uncle had a heart attack BEFORE or AFTER his car was hit.

My uncle and one of my cousins had planned to meet for a concert. The accident occurred in the parking lot of their destination. My cousin arrived while emergency personnel were still clearing up the accident. He watched his father being loaded into the ambulance. He says he smelled alcohol on the other driver's breath, but the policeman on the scene did not choose to (? refused to?) demand a breathalyzer test. My cousin surmises that this refusal was because the other driver happened to be a firefighter and there was some level of "professional courtesy" going on there.

At some point it doesn't matter -- I mean, nothing's going to bring my uncle back, and if this guy was drunk he's going to have to live with that knowledge for the rest of his life whether or not someone ruins his career as well -- but my cousin is understandably pissed off.

Comments

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

I was almost killed by a drunk driver. Within seconds, and inches.

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

Yeeeeow. I bet that sort of experience never stops having its effects on one's life.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

um, only "sort of". Me and my car were totally untouched. I'd have to tell you LOTS more* to really get across how I could be entirely uninjured but so close to dying. It was "odd" to say the LEAST. (Boy it that the understatement of all time!)

So, there is an "odd" kind of effect: I have lots of emotional horror about it -- it has THAT kind of ongoing effect.

But I don't have, say, memories of being injured and living in hopitals and ongoign PHYSICAL effects, and so on.

I have EXTEMELY VIVID memories of the seconds of time in which I thought I was dead on the highway. No "maybe" invovled. For sure. In fact, several people died farther up the road. I talked to a policewoman who was at the scene. I think I still have the newspaper article. Biggest/goriest accident in that county in ages. I didn't see it.

So, I'd say it comes up here and there, in little odd moments.
But much less effect than if I had been hurt physically.
I have only the emotional reactions: horror, fear, disgust, etc.

Moria



*[I'm horrible at SUMMARY, honestly horrible. I'll try for one sentence:
@ freeway speed, car headed DIRECTLY FOR ME, in my lane &
not very far away - curvy road: somehow I sweared enough.
I didn't believe it that they had passed me, that they DIDN'T
hit me. No exaggeration: I still can't believe it.
See: horrible at summary: that was 3 sentences.]

[cjsmith.livejournal.com]

I have lots of emotional horror about it -- it has THAT kind of ongoing effect.

That's the kind of effect I was thinking of. I suspect the memory of such an event would stay with you, and probably affect some of your decisions, for a very long time.

Hey, that wasn't a horrible summary! It was a very short explanation of exactly what happened! And yeowtch, that must have been AWFUL.

[moriamerri.livejournal.com]

Yes -- I guess you are right -- I don't think I really know what all the effects on me are, long term. It was EXTREMELY upsetting at the time. I talked about it A LOT. But, I don't get reminded of it, say, every time I walk or move my leg or try to turn around. But certainly anything about drunk drivers brings it to mind..... and I've thought about joining MADD, for example. And the idea that my life could suddenly end without warning has more punch. Also the idea that people may not be "following the same rules" that I happen to think are in effect..... I also just find it psycologically *interesting*, as it is certainly the closest I've come to death so far, this life.

Yes, it was awful ;) and very bizarre -- very "twilight zone" stuff. Disconnected from everything else.

I think it can also be disturbing for people like you, who just hear about it, but um, in a different way. Scary, but without the emotional edge. When I say "several people were killed", or "I was almost killed" I kinda wonder what effect that has-- I expect it can be quite shocking to read/hear, but there is really no way to talk about it that ISN'T shocking. It's like I don't MEAN to start a bit topic, but, um, there it is.

Weirdly, today I'm wondering if I should someday try to contact the one survivor of the accident (caused by the driver who didn't kill me) -- There is a child who survived. Probably changed their life dramatically, I would guess.

I also think the situation with your uncle sounds like the sort of thing with long lingering emotional/mental effects. The not knowing, speculating, considering what could have been and may have been and so on. More for your cousin, I guess, but maybe also for you, if the family goes on speculating and being angry -- and I think it would be hard NOT to go on speculating and being upset.

I can really understand if your cousin wants to try to get more information, or sue. Just reading what you wrote about it, it seems very troubling. Even without personal connections or personal grief involved, it seems troubling to me!